I'm Outta Here!

4 out of 5 arguments are started over Barbie Dolls...

G:  Daddy!  DADDY!  Ping is trying to take my barbie doll!
Me:  What?  Ping, are you trying to take G's doll?
Ping:  No!
Me:  Really?  Because I see her doll in your hand.
Ping:  No!
Me:  Ping, I can see that you have G's doll.  Don't lie to your Daddy.
Ping:  Well G being no fair!
Me:  Why?  What is no fair?
Ping:  She no give me her doll.
Me:  Ping, before we got in the car for our long drive, what did Dad tell you to do?
Ping:  To get a toy for the drive.
Me:  Right.  And did Ping get a toy?
Ping:  No.
Me:  Alright, well, next time, listen to your Daddy and bring a toy.  Now, please give G back her doll.
Ping:  No.
Me:  Ping.  What did Daddy just say?
Ping:  Ooooohhhhhh... alright.  Here.
Me:  Thank you baby.
Ping:  But if you do that again, then THAT'S IT, I'm OUTTA here!
*I slowly pull the car over to the side of the road and turning around*
Me:  Baby, where are you gonna go?
Ping:  I go back to China!
Me:  China?  You will never be "outta here".  Daddy is never going to let you go, and even if you WANT to leave, you are going to be stuck with me forever.  Understand?  Forever!  You no go back to China.
Ping:  Okay.  *a big smile slowly crawls across her face*

I'm outta here!

... a little while later when we get home from Chinese School ...
Me:  Hey, you'll never guess what Ping said today.
Wife:  What?
Me:  She got mad because she got into a little bit of trouble, and she looks at me and says "That's IT, I'm OUTTA here!"  Isn't that hilarious!
Wife:  SHE said what?!  Oh that little ... stinker!  She said that because she knew it would hurt!  That was deliberate.
Me:  Eh, maybe, probably.  I just thought it was funny.  I told her she was stuck with me... she seemed to deal with that truth better than you did when you realized you were stuck with me.

Oh kids say and do the cutest things!  One of my fellow adoptive families told me the funniest story about how on their first night with their newly adopted 5 year old daughter - that their adorably cute precious daughter eyed up the father and make the "throat slashing" action while eying him down... and trust me, the "throat slashing" action means the same thing in Chinese as English.  :-)  Or how their daughter mimed pulling the pin of a grenade with her teeth before throwing it at her new father!

Laughing with Dad

Ahhhhh, good times.  :-)

I think being a parent sometimes requires having a thick skin - and a slightly skewed sense of reality.  I think if I actually believed that MY daughter wanted to be "outta here" that it would have really hurt.  Okay, it hurt.  It really did.  Even though I knew she was just trying to get me angry and didn't mean it.

And I knew she didn't mean it... because between the odd "throat slash", "grenade" or "outta here" moment, there are so many precious moments spent with them curled up in our arms, lying on the couch with us, playing barbies, and tender moments filled with "I love you"s.  And those great moments out weigh the bad moments more and more each day.

So, to all those parents out there who have read about the loss and attachment issues, do not despair - there is hope.  I have seen our precious Ping change from a defiant child struggling with loss and attachment into a sweet girl who curls up and snuggles in with me at bed time, who is the 1st child to the door to greet me when I return from work, whose 1st question she asks me in the morning is "Daddy, can we cuddle?"

Just a little cuddle Daddy?

Amidst the loss, hurt, pain and loneliness can be found joy, love, peace and family.

Our children have such capacity for either side of that statement - for my part, I hope I pour more of the latter into my children, but that can only happen if I choose not to hold onto the former.

Glasses?!

*bing*  You've got Mail!
Wifes Email: Guess who needs glasses?  Ping.  Still in the eye doctors office*.

Immediately the internal dialog starts in my head once I ready the title of the email.
Oh great!  Ping needs glasses.  Thats just one more thing where she can be targeted at school.
She is short for her age.
She has a huge head.
She is the only Chinese person in the school.
She still struggles with some English phraseology.
She has to tilt her huge head backwards to keep her balance when running... oh wait till the kids on the play ground figure that one out.
She has spina bifida.
And now... glasses!
GLASSES!
This poor girl will NEVER fit in!
... oh wait... there is an attachment...

Oh my GOSH!  Shes ADORABLE!  You know what... maybe she's gonna be okay with the glasses after all.     There's no way you can make fun of someone THAT cute!

When I got home, she came running to the door to tell me about her glasses...
Ping:  DADDY DADDY!  Guess WHAT?!  I GET GLASSES!
Me:  Thats right baby, just like Daddy!
Ping:  I luv you Daddy!
Me:  And I love you.

On a side note... what I loved about that quick little exchange at the door is just how effortlessly it came out that she was getting glasses just like her Daddy.  There was no language of adoption there, just daughter like Daddy... it was all just the language of family.  :-)

* = Yes, she uses Mommy terms when talking to me (eye doctor VS optometrist**).  Actually, she's used Mommy terms quite a bit with me lately.  I've gotten the "How was school today" after getting back from work recently.  Followed up with the obligatorily "G'nite, sleep tight, don't forget to brush your teeth before bed."  Or the "Oooh, that's nice" like only a tired un-interested Mother can do when I'm trying to explain that I finally fixed the computer after it being broken for about 3 weeks - as if I had just discovered that I had SuperMan on my underpants***.


** = Yes, I totally had to look up how to spell that, maybe there is a reason she uses Mommy Terms with me.


*** = I don't.  Wait, hold on... oh look at that!

Birthday at LAST, and fitting in....

Someone  had a great post over at Braided Tresses, and since I'm all out of original ideas for posts, I figured "hey, why not carry on with the theme Sharaya (I'm so sorry, ONE day I will spell your name gooder) started".  Sharaya's post can be found here, and yes, I feel very very bad for stealing a 12 year old girl's idea for a post.  :-)

-----

Ping:  I go wif mah seester to birfday?
Me:  Sorry baby, just G.  You get to stay home with Daddy.
Ping:  But I WANT to go to birfday!
Me:  I know baby.  But, you were not invited.
Ping:  Oooooooh!  I NEVER get invited!
Me:  Well, when one of your friends has a birthday, then maybe you will get to go.
Ping:  But NO ONE LIKE me!
Me:  Of course people like you.  You be nice.  You talk nice.  You no be rude, and people will like no.
Ping:  No.  No one like me!

Talk about a heart breaker of a conversation.  See, Ping has worked really really hard at become a better daughter, sister, friend, and classmate to those around her.  When I visit her class, she is no longer the most disruptive child in class, and I can't help but look at all the biological children running, and screaming, and being mean and taking others toys and think "What is WRONG with you kids?!"  :-)  Ahhh, kidding... I don't think that.  But it is nice to see that Ping is not the worst behaved child in the class.

However, first impressions are sometimes hard to overcome.  And yes, the school year is coming to a close, and as of yet... no birthdays (which are a BIG deal to Ping.  I mean, a BIIIIIG DEAL).

... re-wind a couple of weeks...

Wife:  Ping got invited to Leahs birthday!
Me:  Oh wow!  Thank goodness!  Finally, a birthday.
Wife:  Yea, and Leah.  Ping really likes Leah.
Me:  Awesome!  So, how did Ping take the news?
Wife:  She is super excited!
Ping:  DADDY DADDY DADDY!!!  LOOK!  I GO BIRFDAY!
Me:  Yay!  Yay baby!  When is the party?
Wife:  Next Saturday.
Me:  Great!

... the "Next Saturday"...

Wife:  Okay Ping, time to get ready for the birthday party!  Go get your TinkerBell costume on!
Ping:  Okay!
Me:  Oh, look at my little Ping!  So pretty!  You look like a fairy!  A sick fairy... a fairy about to throw up... OH MY GOSH!??!
Ping:  Mommy, I sick.
Wife:  I know baby.  Maybe you stay home?
Ping:  I want to go Leahs birfday party.
Wife:  Weeeeeeell... how are you...
Me:  OH MY GOSH!!!!
Wife:  ... aaaaand, we're going to have to stay home baby.  Sorry.

Thankfully Ping took the news better than we expected.  We were expecting her to throw a huge tantrum.  I'm not sure if it was the projectile vomiting, or her new found maturity, but she handled the whole situation really well. 

I think for her, just to be invited to a birthday party was enough to help her feel that kids CAN like her, and that some DO like her, and that maybe... just maybe she is going to fit in OK after all.

Our poor sick little baby spend the rest of the day in bed curled up with a blankey and a bowl, not quite the day she had planned... but a happy one none-the-less.

The Name: Lukai! (updated)

Alright, I guess I've left y'all in suspense long enough.

Here is the name of our next child.  :-)  Enjoy.

Thanks to my Co-Worker who helped pick out the characters.

So the wife wanted Luca, and I wanted Kai.
What better way to solve the problem than to blend the two names...
Lu .... Kai....
Lu .. Kai ..
Lu..Kai..
LuKai
Lukai!
And thusly, Lukai was named.
Now, it just so happens that Lukai is a right proper Chinese name.
The Lu (falling tone) means "road", or when used in a name, may be symbolic of "journey" or something.
The Kai (third tone) means "victorious", or something of good meaning like that (successful, prosperous, etc).

I think its a pretty cool meaning for a name for our new son (which I *still* can not neither confirm nor deny may and or may not be our actual child)... Lukai.  :-)

After 140+ votes...

... we've decided on a name NOT on the list.  :-)

Isn't that just the way things go.  But the name we picked is great!  Its AWESOME!  I would say it is the greatest awesome-est name in decades!  Yes sir, it is a name for the ages.

So... to make amends for not listing to those of you all who ever so willingly tried to help us decide on a name, I give you two pictures of our girls in Cowboy hats... you know... because that is crazy cute, and then when you see the cuteness, you can't be upset that we didn't listen to any of the 140+ of you.  :-)

G in a Cowboy hat

Ping in a Cowboy hat

Oh, and I suppose I COULD tell you the name... it is...  Oh wait!  Someone is calling me... I'll be back later.  :-)