Friday, July 13, 2012

My Side of the Story

Hello, it's me, the cat.  I know, you are all honoured that I'm taking time out of my busy day of sleeping, eating and sleeping to grace you with my words.

Recently, it has been brought to my attention, that a certain someone has blamed me for chewing the power cord to the internet modem, or trying to kill the Yeti.  Thusly causing all sorts of problems for my servan... er, family.  I felt that maybe I should set the record straight and let you all who what really happened.

See, I've been a cat, well, for my whole life.  And I remember how I came to own these humans.  Yes, my sister (bless her soul) and I were born in a garage.  This garage happened to be the Yetis garage.  And life was good, but after a few days, our mother started carrying us out of the garage, and back to our real home... a farm down the street.

Well, wouldn't you know it, all of a sudden, Mrs Yeti comes into the garage, all shocked and horrified that some of my brothers and sisters were gone.  She picked up me and my sister, and kidnapped us.  She took us away from our mother and hid us in her bedroom.  Each night for weeks, I could hear my mother calling for us, standing outside the front door.  But I was too little to get to her.  I was only a couple weeks old, if that.

Now the Yeti and Mrs Yeti did take good care of us.  They didn't really have a choice.  Using our extreme cuteness, we had these humans feeding us by hand, laying the pattern for our relationship - we, the cats are in charge, and you, the humans are our servants... er, family.

So I let many things go.  I gave them lots of grace and support for all the times these lousy servan... er, family, failed.  Sometimes, it takes them days to change my litter box.  And quite often, they push me off the dining room table while I'm eating my steak.  Often yelling such obscenities like "Stop eating my food cat!"

But then a little while ago, they went too far.

Kaida - 7 year old "puppy" from the pound
I came home one day, and what did I see lounging in my home?  A dog!  That's right, a dog.  A good for nothing, slobbering, scratching flea carrying dog.

Now, did I get all angry and fire the lot of them?  Send them packing and try to find a new cat to work for?  No.  No I did not.  I remembered back to when they took care of me when I was young... but then I also remembered how they kidnapped me from my mother, brothers and sisters.  Was I angry?  Sure.  But I did my best to try to get along with everyone.

But then, they all started ignoring me.  I would walk into the room, and they would all be petting that dog.  So I decided to up my game a little.  I starting bringing home dead birds, dead squirrels, dead mice and even a snake.  Did they say thank you?  No.

What did the dog do for them?!  NOTHING.  Did the dog ever bring home diner? I don't think so.

What did this dog do that I didn't?  Nothing, nothing at all.  Yet they actually seemed to love this bag of fleas.  Well, I had it.  Enough was enough.  No one was spending time with me, so I chewed the internet cable.  Thinking, that if they could not get online to play their video games, that maybe the younger Yetis would pet me again and stop ignoring me.

Unfortunately, it didn't work.  I guess I'm just going to have to get used to this "dog" being my new sister.  I'm sure I can teach it to change my cat litter... or at the very least, open the fridge door for me so I can steal some milk.

Maybe having a new sibling won't be so bad...

Sincerely, your master, 



  1. Cats are just a bit "independent"! Cute post!

  2. It really was worth a try, Cat!

  3. When we had both dog & cat as members of the family, they'd double-team the humans. We be sitting at dinner with a plate of food in front of us when Cat would get up onto the table & start pawing at the plate on one side. We'd turn to push Cat away and Dog would jam his head up under our arm on the other side, pushing his nose to the edge of the plate. We'd turn to push Dog away from our dinner on the other side, at which point Cat would grab something from her side of the plate and start running -- and when we'd turn to grab our food back from Cat, it was Dog's turn to use his long snout & tongue to slurp up something from his side of the plate.

    We referred to it as, "PAWS: The Devouring" but somehow couldn't sell the screenplay to Spielberg. Oh, well...

  4. Now I know exactly why China is asking for psychological evaluations for prospective adoptive parents!! ;)

    Entertaining as always!

  5. My dream came true! The cat prepared an excellent blog post for us. :)