Monday, February 13, 2012

For the Dads on the Fence

Every now and again, I feel compelled to talk to the Dads out there.  The new Dads, the old Dads, the soon to be Dads, and even the 'WhoooMyGoshHowDidThisHappenToMe' Dad.  We sometimes, bless our little souls, feel inadequate to be a father.  Kind of lost in the parental landscape dominated by Moms.
Bing with a couple friends, 2 lovely little girls who are ADORABLE!

Yes sir, right from the 1st time we got pregnant, my wife had books like 'What to Expect When You Are Expecting'... and it was a thick book!  It talked about about the baby stages of development, the zygote stage, the embryonic stage, the platypus stage.  It talked about changes in the mothers body, mood swings, things to look forward too, and stories of joy and happiness!

I got a similar book, except it was really just a hand written note by a fellow father which simply read "Crazy.  Expect Crazy."

With Adoption, all the books are about attachment, and disorders, and getting in touch with ones feelings and emotional connections to your child and bonding... stuff.  These type things fall distinctly in the realm of the womanly way of dealing with things.  If these books were written by Men, for Men, they would be that same as that hand written note from my fellow father all those years ago... "Crazy.  Expect Crazy."

Then, when the kids get a little older, there are Mom and Tots play groups, Coffee Breaks for Moms, Moms Group at Church and so on and so on.  All these wonderful ways to build a healthy relationship between Mom and child.  A very woman dominated society in raising the children.

Men do have something similar... except that we leave the children at home with the moms, and we go play golf.

Yes, society has done a wonderful job of isolating us men AWAY from the process of "children".  There is little encouragement (except for our wives BEGGING us to actually be active participants in the process) for us to get involved with the pregnancy, early years or emotional side of adoption.  And when we DO try to get engaged, we feel that we are invading the Mothers Turf.

I remember one time that I went to the Neo-Nazi-BreastFeeding-Womans-Group... er, La Leche League, and I think EVERY woman there wanted to kill me for being a man (including my own wife).  It's a wonderful group though, seriously, which helps new Moms learn how to breast feed.  Look ladies, if I could lactate, I would have!  It's not my fault I don't have Mammary Glands!  Us Dads are reduced to spectators in the child rearing process more than we would like!

Well enough of it!  So I figured it was about time someone stood up for us DADs, and found us some good role models!!!  So what better place to turn than the Bible...  Lets look at some Dad role models in the Bible to encourage us DADs in our quest to be better Fathers and Husbands!

Adam (Genesis and referenced in many other books of the Bible as well)   
  • Key to Fame:  1st Dad in the Bible... well, except for God.
  • Outstanding Parental Achievement:  ... um, fathered most of man kind.
  • Results of Parenting:  One of his children killed 25% of the worlds population (Cain + Able, Gen. 4)
Okay, maybe NOT the best example... let me find another one...

Abraham (Genesis 22)
  • Key to Fame:  Considered the father of Israel.  Still had game into his 90s!
  • Outstanding Parental Achievement:  Had 2 sons.  Many descendants, countless as the stars in the sky.
  • Results of Parenting:  Almost sacrificed one of his sons on an alter.  Kicked his other son (and his mother) out of the house at the tender age of 4(ish).  The descendants of both sons are still at war to this day.
Ummmm... moving on!

Noah (Genesis)
  • Key to Fame:  Built a big boat.
  • Outstanding Parental Achievement:  With his sons and daughter in laws, they re-populated the earth.
  • Results of Parenting:  After getting off the boat, and being stuck for 40 days and 40 nights with his kids, he immediately got drunk and passed out (Genesis 9:20~24).
David (Samuel, wrote many books in the bible as well)
  • Key to Fame:  Killed the giant Goliath.  King of Isreal (or at least most of what is Isreal today, Judah and, oh just go ask Pastor B about it later).  Was noted as having a 'Heart after God's own' (bad husband and friend though... seriously, had one of his best friends hand deliver his death sentence to his commanding officer).
  • Outstanding Parental Achievement:  Had some kids.  
  • Results of Parenting:  One of his kids tried to kill him.  David wound up having his kid killed in a battle over the throne.  There might have been something about some woman and adultery and such...
Okay, you know what.  Forget it.  I'm just gonna skip on over this all and wrap this up before I get into more trouble.

So, WHY* point all this out?  

Only to remind us DADs, that no matter HOW hard parenting looks...
No matter how SCARED we are about having kids...
... about Adoption.
... about pregnancy.
... about making mistakes.
... about being a bad Father.
... about feeling inadequate.
... about all those things and SO many more we are unable to articulate except though far off stares, the odd guttural grunting and cooking some meat on the bar-b-q as "protein based therapy"...

... is the simple truth that if THOSE guys up there, Adam, Abraham, Noah, David, YOUR Dad, MY DAD, or any other Man who has stood in the place of a father figure which may have been missing in your life...

IF they can do it.  Then by the good graces of God, YOU and I can do it.

So lets stop being sidelined, stand up, and have the courage, strength and "lacking of common sense" that is required to thinking being a Dad is a good idea, and rush headlong into this Father-hood thing with all that is within us!

Even if all you can muster up today, is "You know, maybe we could consider adoption", I'm sure it would mean the world to your wife... and you just never know where that father hood journey might lead you...

... hopefully not to an alter trying to sacrifice one of your children though.  That would be bad.  Although, when they hit about 2 years old... totally understandable.

* == IF any of that Biblical information caught you off guard, go head on over to your local bible based church, and maybe find out what you've been missing!


  1. Too funny! We had a really tough last 24 hours and this is what I needed to read. God put all these stories in the bible so when we have a parenting mishap we can look at the bible and say 'hey, its normal to mess up'.