Thursday, November 17, 2011

Meeting the Foster Mom

A gift to us from the orphanage
 When it was close to the time where Lukai and the Wife were going to meet for the 1st time, the Wife had asked if she would get to meet the Foster Parents who have been raising our little Lukai since he was only 20 days old.  The guide told us that they were 'not allowed to meet' and that this was just the way it was 'in this province'.  Now, we knew from talking with other ShanXi adoptive parents that this is not the case.  Many have been able to meet the foster families.

I figured there was something afoot.  I mean, we're not getting to meet the parents.  The orphanage was 'too busy' to do the Delivery Day at the original time.  I figured that the orphanage WAS expecting the foster family to travel with Lukai to the drop off, and that the family refused, and then the orphanage was scrambling to find someone else who was free and could bring Lukai to us.

Turns out, I'm a judgmental idiot.

"I get to meet the foster parents in an hour and a half!  They are coming!", those words from my wife were probably the most singularly happy yet terrified words I've ever heard.  I didn't know what to expect.  Judging from the last pictures, they didn't look happy.  What would they say?  Were they angry?  Happy?

When the two ladies DID meet, the old Mom and the new Mom, what was going to happen?!

She still doesn't look happy...
Then Lukai's Foster Mom and Lukai's new Mom embraced each other with a hug, and then sat down on a lobby couch.  Lukai's Foster Mom scooted in so close to my wife that their hips were pressed up against each other, she held my wife's hand in hers, and then sobbed for an hour straight.

The first thing the Foster Mom said to my wife was, "He is such a naughty little boy."  But she said it in an endearing loving way which only a mother can, after she has earned her motherly stripes by surviving many broken things around the house, or having to have chased him for hours on end while he ran around the house.  She also said that "no one in the village thought he would even get adopted."  So maybe they really were thinking he would be theirs forever?

So for about an hour straight the Foster Mom cried, and sobbed, and spoke to the wife in Chinese with the translator popping in and out of the conversation, and at the end, she said she was happy that we were adopting Lukai, that she could tell we are good people and that Lukai will be loved.

The Foster Mom eventually made her way back to the car, holding my wife's hand the whole way.  And as she climbed into the car, still with tears in her eyes, I can only hope that we will meet all of the dreams that she has had for her son.

And we will always honour the Mother that Lukai has had in China, because she deeply loves him.


  1. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been for the foster mom. Or your wife. My heart breaks for them both.

  2. Such heart break. It hurts reading it. I will pray for the foster parents.

  3. I am so happy to hear that your wife and the foster family got to meet. It would have been difficult for both but so worth it.
    I am guessing her guide must be "tracy". She was our guide while there in June and she was not helpful at all. She would not even show us where the market was 8-(.

  4. I've been there. It's NOT fun, or easy, and it's so hard. I'm thankful to have spent a few hours with my youngest's foster family, but I wonder to this day how they are doing. The tears as they left, the sobs...they still ring in my ears. I still see the pride and love in their faces when they talked about her. Oh how my heart breaks for Lukai's foster family.

  5. What a blessing to have had that opportunity although amazingly difficult I'm sure. Praying for foster and birth families. . .

  6. Thanks for sharing. I am so worried about our daughter's grief. The Taiyuan foster families seem very loving. Lukas is precious!

  7. The range of emotions is so wide, but I can guarantee it is so worth it. We felt like it was a small way to offer peace to them, as well as for our kids. I'm so thankful. Oh did I pray it would work out!

  8. WOW! what an honor to meet her...we were not 'allowed' to meet our daughter's foster family.

  9. Oh my, it's so hard for these foster families after raising these little ones! I'm happy that Roberta was able to meet her and that she had a chance to grieve her loss with Roberta!

  10. This is heartbreaking. I can't imagine the foster family's pain since they had him from a newborn. I can't imagine sending away my toddler whether someone told me it might happen at some point or not. That attachment is secured. I can't imagine the pain that Roberta must have felt at that moment too seeing the heartbreak face to face. I will pray for all involved for healing of hearts.

  11. What a bittersweet meeting that must havce been. I am so happy Roberta was able to do so though. Hoping the flight (or maybe the train?) goes by quickly and easily for all.

  12. Our dd too was in a foster home (Taiyuan) since she was 3 weeks old. We adopted her in August and were happily surprised to meet foster mom and foster brother. Foster mom held my hand tightly but oh how good to know they had so loved our daughter. They made us a scrapbook of her life and left a heartfelt note tucked deep in a duffel bag of comfort foods. Great things to share as she gets older. Fast track to today- we have been home almost three months... I am mommy and dh is daddy. She has definitely adjusted great! Does she still remember her foster mama...I am sure but I know that will fade with time which is why I am so glad to have pictures to share one day. Congrats!!