Tricks of the Trade or, Husbandry 101

Son #1 with and his friend picking
strawberries - hopefully I can teach
him much so he can have more of
a fighting chance in this thing called
'relationship'

At work we've got a sports day coming up soon... well, in late September/early October.  But as it is really one of the few "fun" things which happen at work, people are pretty excited about it.  One of the organizers was running around the other day getting "shirt sizes" for the different teams.

Organizer (Org):  *super excited*  SO ARE YOU GUYS ALL COMING TO THE FLY BALL DAY?!!??!
Female Co-Worker (CW):  Uuuuuh, I don't know.  I've got a lot of work to do.
Org:  Oh it will be FUN!
CW:  Oh, alright.  I'll come.
Org:  Great!  I just need you to sign this waiver form incase you get injured.
CW:  Un-huh.
Org:  Aaaaand, what meal do you want?  Burger?  Chicken?  Or Veggie burger?
CW:  I'll go with the chicken.
Org:  Great.  Okay... and what shirt size are you?
Me:  *uh-oh... you don't ASK a girl their shirt size... at least not that LOUDLY!  Pfffff... amateur.  He is gonna get eat'n alive!*
CW:  Uh, I don't know.  What size do you think I need?
Org:  Hmmmmmm... *looks the CW over*
Me:  *say small you moron!  say SMALL!*
Org:  I think we should get you a LARGE.
Me:  WHAT!??!?!  You can't tell a woman that!?  Oh you moron!
Org:  What?!  What did I do?!
Me:  Oh look, now she's crying!
Org:  I just said she needed a large shirt.
Me:  Yea.  Large.  Girl.  Large!  Are you getting it?!
Org:  No, I'm missing the point.
Me:  *siiiigh*  Okay, you don't have a wife.  I forgot.  Here, let me explain it to you.  Never call a woman... large.
Org:  ... oh.  OH!  Well what was I supposed to do?!
Me:  Here is how the conversation should have gone.  When she asked what size she was, you should have answered, "Well, you look like a small to me.  But with this stuff, you can never be sure.  So I'll put you down for a medium just to be safe."  THEN, you fill in LARGE in the form.  When the T-Shirt arrives, if the large fits, then everything is good and no one knows any different.  Our lovely co-worker here will be wearing what she thinks is a "medium" t-shirt and feeling good about herself.  But if the large is too big, then you can always shrug your shoulders and apologize that the "shirt company must have sent the incorrect sizes", or we "ran out of mediums".
Org:  Wow.  You are super smart! *
Me:  Yea, I know.  After you've been married for 15(ish) years, you learn a thing or two.  No need to thank me.
CW:  You are such a moron. **

Yes, there are tricks you pick up during life.  I wish I could find a trick to hurry up our LOA, alas, I have not figured that one out yet.  There are even parenting tricks which come in handy every now and again... like learning to get to the "heart" or "character" issues when bad behaviour arises.

Recently, Ping was colouring with a blue crayon and G really wanted it.
Ping said "no" and that G would have to "wait her turn".
So G did patiently wait.
Unfortunately, when Ping was done with said blue crayon, she threw it across the room.
After G had waited for it.
Purely for the sake of spite and being mean.
Don't get me wrong, there are times where Ping may throw something across the room just to have a good time.
But this was spite and meanness.
So, G, being the tender soul she is, hopped off her chair and went running after the crayon.
I quickly called G back, and sent Ping to go get the crayon.
Oh, she tried to say "no", and she tried to "argue" with me, get mad, she even started crying because I asked her to go pick up the crayon she rudely threw across the room when she knew her sister was waiting for it.
But firmly and patiently, I persisted with my stance, and she stopped crying, apologized to her sister and went and got the crayon for her.
More importantly, she had a change of heart.
You can see it when it happens with her.
Her whole demeanor changes and everything about her gets "softer".
I could have just dealt with the actual act of throwing the crayon.
But I needed her to know that what she did was wrong, and it was wrong because it was done in a mean spirit deliberately to hurt her sister.
She understood, and she grew a little that night picking up that blue crayon from across the room.
Such a good girl.

Now, do these tricks work every time?  Nope.  As a husband, I still get called a moron or idiot every once in a while.  As a father, sometimes I get things wrong.  I'm still figuring this whole husband/father/son thing out.

But some times, I get so proud 'cuz I think I'm so smrt... er, smArt.

Boys:  McDonalds!  Lets goto McDonalds!
Me:  *thinking fast on my feed*  Oh no, we don't want McDs.  I heard they use WORMs in their burgers.
Boys:  What?!  EWWWWW!  Worms?!
Me:  Yup.  Worms.
Boys: ... YAY!  LETS GO EAT WORMS!!!  McDonalds!  McDonalds!  McDonalds!

Oh well.  You win some, you loose some.  But this whole Parenting thing seems to get easier... well, maybe not easier... maybe we just get better at it.

* == Okay, maybe the Organizer didn't say EXACTLY that... but I know they were thinking it.
** == Sadly, yes, she actually DID say that.