Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Coming Clean

Do I look like the scheming type?
Wife:  Hey, I've got an idea for your blog.
Me:  Oh yea, what's that?
Wife:  How about you actually post an accurate story?
Me:  What?
Wife:  I'm the one who wants another child?
Me:  Oh, is this about the last blog post?
Wife:  Un-huh.  I want another child?!
Me:  Is anything I posted in the previous blog inaccurate or untruthful?  Did you not have that conversation with me about adopting again?
Wife:  No, nothing was wrong, and yes, we were talking about adopting again.
Me:  Okay, so what's the problem then?
Wife:  What's the problem?  The problem is that you paint me in a certain light, and yet you ignore the fact that YOU have been talking about adopting again way more than I have!  That YOU were the one to first bring up the fact that with the adoption process taking so long, that we should start the paper work again the moment we get back with Lukai.  How about you post how YOU want to adopt again?
Me:  Well that wasn't really the point of the blo...
Wife: *giving me the eeeeevil eye*
Me:  ... riiiiight.  Okay, well, I can clarify that with the next blog post.

So there you have it.  Yes, my wife and I wanted to adopt, and we did.  She also wants me to let you all know that I want to adopt again as well.  Just so we're all clear on that.  :-)  Huh?  What... hold on... yes, un-huh... right.  Okay.  I'll point that out too.  The wife would also like you all to know that I am the one who brought up adopting again, not her.  That I am more excited about adopting than she is right now.  I'm sure there is more that I was supposed to come clean about... but I can't really remember them right now.  Ummmm, I'd like another girl, however, I'm guessing that a boy might be easier... if we had another girl, then we'd STILL need another boy, and then another girl... wait... didn't someone mention 10 children in a comment yesterday?  Oh well... at least if we keep getting boys, I won't need anymore shotguns.

So yes, I would love to adopt again - this whole adoption thing has been working out pretty well (Ping does love me now).  Are we going to be able to adopt again after Lukai?  I doubt it.  I think with the completion of our 2nd international adoption (which is very expensive) and the addition to the house to make room for the family (which is also very expensive), we are going to be all tapped out for cash.  It is an unfortunate reality that although we may desire to adopt again, that we may not be able too.

There is the whole financial aspect of adoption that people don't really talk about with non-adoptive parents.  It's a funny thing, because it gets very touchy and there are many different thoughts/opinions on it.  Some people blame China (or whatever country you are dealing with) for it being so expensive, some people relate it to child trafficking (buying/selling a child)  and for others its a racial issue (as "whiter" children cost more to adopt than "darker" children).

But for a quick summary (based on a China International adoption):

  • international adoption is expensive
    • approx 20,000$ ~ 60,000$+ depending on country of adoption and many other factors
  • 85% of the money goes to lawyers, social workers, hotels, airlines, etc. in Canada
    • less than 15% actually goes to the children
      • thats the hard part, I would gladly pay big $$$s if it was going to help the children, but to the pocket of lawyers and airlines?!?!  That is where it seems wrong...
    • If we want International Adoption to be easier to complete, afford, and be successful we should address the 85% (ie: Domestic expenses) and not worry so much about what China is doing with the meager 15%
  • no money goes to the hands of an individual in China
    • money may be "donated" to the orphanage
      • an official China receipt is issued for the payment
      • "cash only" is a reflection of the culture (which pays cash for just about everything)
      • not the signs of nefarious means to hide payment (as so many "under the table" payments in north american society)
  • Child trafficking is a horrible blight on society, which is why there are so many lawyers, police agencies, social workers, government agencies and oversight to help prevent against this
    • No system is perfect - there is always the chance for someone to abuse the system
      • this is not a valid reason to NOT support adoption
      • this IS a valid reason to fight against human trafficking

Although this is not a topic I wish to post about publicly (funny eh, I'll post about how my daughter would choose certain death over having me hold her, swearing  at me in Mandarin, the wife hiring a "hitman" to take out the old swing set, but finances... forget that!) - but if you are considering an international adoption, or if someone you know is adopting and you are looking for ways to help out, feel free to contact me and I can hook you up with all sorts of information.

If you are part of the "support" network for someone going through the adoption process and there are questions related to finances, race or accountability of those involved, and you feel as though you can not broach those subjects with the ones you are trying to support - ask us... use the comments, or contact us directly.


  1. I too have heard many of those same arguments regarding the cost of adoption. Where the money goes is not as important to me as giving my child a family and a home. The child is why we adopt!

  2. Yea, I had an older post related to finances (kind of) as well:
    I find it amazing how people can justify wanting a 90,000$ car when a 15,000$ car does the same job (albeit less fancy), but can't justify the cost of adoption.

  3. "I am the one who brought up adopting again, not her."

    I knew it!!!

    And a big "I HEAR YA!" on your comment.