I think one of the big goals of parenting, and one of the big reasons our wives read so many books parenting, adopting, et al. is for a very simple goal:
- Oh PLEASE don't let me screw up my child so bad that they are going to have to be in therapy by the time they are 20!
We worry that they will grow up to be well adjusted and normal people.
In my wife's case, she has some specific worries. I'm sure that every family has their unique and specific worries. She worries that our children (for some reason) are going to grow up to be "geeks". Despite my continual re-assurances, she still worries that our children will know how to code a new operating system in assembly language and how to take over Russia from our basement, but may lack certain social skills.
These types of specific worries are not covered in any adoption or parenting book. You kind of have to figure them out on your own. And unfortunately, THESE are the things which will most likely cause your children to end up in therapy...
This story... is one of those "specific worries", and why no book is going to help our children. :-)
Wife: You want to do WHAT?!
Me: I wanna take the boys down to the Midlight Launch of StarCraft II!
Wife: ... you want to do WHAT?!
Me: Its STARCRAFT ... 2!!! They have been waiting for this for over 12 years!!!
Wife: The boys aren't even that old yet. There is no way they have been waiting 12 years.
Me: Okay, maybe I'VE been waiting over 12 years!
Wife: And why do you want to do this?
Me: Because I'm a good Dad!
Waiting in line for EB Games to open at Midnight - 10:15pm
Wife: How is waking your boys up at 9pm to go stand in a line to buy a video game, being a "good Dad".
Me: Because I'm taking an interest in what they are interested in! As a parent, you have to share in your children's activities.
Wife: Fine. You are such a moron. You can ask them if they EVEN want to go. But I'm sure they wont. They are just going to want to sleep.
Me: Oh, I don't know about that.
Lines getting longer - 11pm (guy drove past blaring the theme music on his car stereo)
Me: Hey Boys, c'mere!
Boys: Whats up?
Wife: Your Dad wants to know, if you guys want to go wait in line, at midnight, to buy some silly video game being released tomorrow.
Boys: Uh, I donno. What game?
Me: StarCraft 2!
Boys: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! STARCRAFT 2!!!! Whoooooo! YES YES YES! Can WE CAN WE CAAAAAAANNNNN WEEEEEE PLEEEEEEAAASSSSSEEEEE!!!!!
Its all for the boys... "You can play after me!"
Wife: You really want to go?!
Wife: You will have to go to bed at 6pm.
Wife: And then get up at what, 9 or 9:30pm to go.
Me: YAY!!! Okay! I'll get like junk food for waiting in line! And we'll bring the phone so we can watch StarCraft 2 trailers while waiting in line!
Son #2: This is the best day of my life... EVER!
So long suckers! We were 8th in line - going home to install the game
So yes, at 9:30pm, I woke the boys up, we piled into the car and went to stand in line for two hours to buy a video game...
... and the boys LOVED it!
Now, are my children going to be in Therapy because of me? Quite possibly.
But at least ALL my children will be in Therapy - and no one will be able to blame the "Adoption" for it!
I'm pretty sure that most adoptive parents, have read a few books on Adoption. Or in my case, my Wife has read MORE than a few books on Adoption and told me all about it. And those books tell you to worry about this, or that, or the other thing. And in many cases, the adoption process/integration unfolds pretty much how the book says it will. That is not always the case. Sometimes in parenting, things happen radically different. Which is why it is important for your Wife to read MANY different books on the subject. Okay, I guess BOTH parents should read. :-)