Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Me: Who ate the Honey!
Wife: What?
Me: Someone took a bite out of the honey.
Wife: That makes no sense. Why would someone bite the honey?
Me: I'm not sure... but look, teeth marks in the honey jar!

Me: How did they even get their little chompers in there!
Wife: Alright, WHO bit the honey!
All Kids: Not me! Oh no. (except Ping, who just kind of sat there wide eyed trying to figure out what was going on)
Me: Well someone bit the honey.

Now, I think it was awesome that one of my little ones took a bite out of the honey. I mean, if I could have stuffed my face inside that little tub, trust me, I would. But for all the children to deny eating the honey... when I'm looking at the teeth marks... well... thats just not good.

Me: Now someone is lying to me. And I have a pretty good idea who it was. So c'mon, who bite the honey.
All Kids: Not me! (except Ping, who decided it would be fun to start saying "Daddy did!" over and over and over... and over... and... over... again... at the top of her little lungs)

Hmmmm... 2nd chance to come clean... they are still lying... or at least someone is still lying.
This sounds like the perfect opportunity for some "good cop/bad cop" type interrogation.

Wife: Someone bit the honey, we know that. We can all see the bite marks. Now, if NO ONE fesses up, then you will ALL be grounded! FOREVER!

Whola. Okay, apparently, the wife is a little more angry about the honey than I am. I guess its not the "good cop/bad cop" routine, I think we're going for the Gestapo routine. Alright! I love the Gestapo routine!

Me: Alvight vu leetle people. Va know dat somevone ATE zee Honey! And if znoe von is going to admit itz... than I ave ZNO choice, but to interogate each vone of vou.

I walk over to little Ping, who is now staring up at her transformed father. No longer the rough and rugged father she once knew and felt safe in his strong loving arms... now she was staring up at the face of certain judgement.

Me: Zoo! Zoo open zee mouth!

Ping opens her mouth wide trying to suppress a laugh as I hold the Honey jar up to her mouth comparing the teeth marks.

Me: Aaaah, zee teeth, zey do not fit!
Wife: Anyone want to confess to eating the Honey yet? This is your 3rd chance to tell the truth.
Son #2: Well, I ate some honey. But I used a knife. I didn't bite it.
Me: Are vou shure?
Son #2: Ummmm... yes?
Me: Open zee MOUTH!

Son #2 reluctantly opens his mouth... ahhh... there it is. The unmistakable tooth pattern of a young man. With the gapping teeth, the over bite, and the adult teeth just coming in, the bite marks fit perfectly!

Me: Zoo bite zee HONEY! And you DIDN'T tell the truth! Zis iz very bad for zou now.
Son #2: Yes YES! I ATE the honey! I couldn't help it! *sob* Don't you ever get like that... like when you just NEED sugar! And you can't control yourself! *sob* I had a nervous breakdown! Oh I'm so ashamed! *sob*
Me: Zo, in za mad panek of my sugar crack babez, zou ran to the cipboard, opened zee door, got out zee honey, opened zee lid, took e bite.... then put it back and lied to your mother and fater 3 times. And were willing to let your brother and sisters get grounded just because you didn't want to confess to taking a bite of the Honey?
Son #2: I guess.
Me: Do you see how selfish that is? That you were willing to let your siblings get in trouble for something they didn't even do?! Do you think I was really upset about the honey? Or do you think I was more upset that you were lying and going to get your brothers and sisters in trouble.
Son #2: I guess you would be more mad about the lying...

Darned right I was.

After solving that case, it got me thinking... my kids do some crazy things at times. Things which make no sense at all. Thats part of being a kid. However, when Ping dose something that drive me nuts, sometimes, my first thought is "Oh this is because of the adoption". And I really have got to break that line of thinking.

A 4 year old will do bad things... no matter how they were/are raised.
My 9 year old dose bad things. And I have no one to blame but myself for that...
The 12 year old... darned right! Hormones! Mood swings!
All the kids from time to time do something which is bad and causes a fuss.

And I never look at the pre-existing children and go "Oh you did that bad thing because you were raised in a home!"... so why should I think "Oh you did that bad thing because you were in an orphanage!".

How hypocritical.

Kids are kids. I'm pretty sure someone somewhere has said "There is no such thing as a bad kid"... now, they were obviously delusional... and single... without children... and, quite frankly, crazy of their rocker... there are bad kids.

... just not mine. Mine are wonderful.

... so statistically, chances are, someone reading this has really bad kids. I'm sorry to hear that. And there is a good chance, that they were not even adopted...

Nah, kids are wonderful... just, you know, they need to grow without being judged.
Should be able to live without fear.
Know they are loved.
The most important thing in their parents lives.*
Cared for.
Listened to.
Given room to grow.
Room to make mistakes.
Know that mistakes will never affect our love for them.
... stuff like that.

I think if thats there, and I can stop blaming the "orphanage", Ping will be OK.

... either that, or I'm just gonna start blaming their mother for all the problems and be done with it.

* = within reason. Obviously the sports car is up pretty high. I'm not saying HIGHER, I'm just saying.
** = but without spanking... I think we covered that before... nooooo spanking according to Adele.


  1. This a very interesting story.

  2. Whew am I ever glad that you solved it. The Gestapo routine had me sittin' here fessin' up to it. "Ok, ok...it was me!!!! I admit it!!!! I did it!!!!"

  3. I love this story, it takes me back to my childhood. For the record, we did not have honey in the house. But, with five kids, I do remember no kids fessing up numerous times when something was broken or lost.

    When my parents faced with the realization that they could not determine who was the culprit(I guess they never thought of the Gestapo routine, they stuck with the good cop/bad cop) my parents blamed the "Family Ghost".

  4. Good, very good....