Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Didn't EAT Your Skittles!

Doesn't that look like a face that would believe her father?! Hmmm... maybe not.

Nov 2007...
Kid #1: Dad, did you eat our Skittles?
Me: What? Me? Would I eat your Skittles?!
Kid #2: Yes.
Me: Hmmmm... although I could see why you would think that. I did not eat your Skittles.
Kid #1: Dad totally ate our Skittles!
Kid #3: Why Daddy?! Why would you eat our Skittles?!
Me: I didn't EAT your Skittles!
Kid #1: Right.
Me: I didn't! Wife, tell them what happened to their Skittles...
Wife: You ate them.
Me: Barabbas!
Wife: You're such a moron. I think you meant to call me Brutus.

... a couple months later... in a grocery store...
Kid #2: Oooooh! Look - Skittles! Can I buy them?
Me: No.
Kid #2: Why not?
Kid #1: Because Dad would just eat them anyway.
Me: I didn't EAT your Skittles!

... a few months later...
Kid #1: Hey Dad, can I have 2$?
Me: What? No. Why.
Kid #1: Because you ATE my Skittles!

... present day...
Kid #2: Dad...
Me: I DIDN'T EAT YOUR SKITTLES! But I'll tell you what, I think I'm gonna go to the store RIGHT now and buy a bag... then I'm gonna sit your little Skittle Deprived Bums down on the couch and watch me as I EAT them ALL! So help me if you are going to keep bugging me about EATing your Skittles, I'm going to actually EAT your Skittles so at least I deserve the harassment!
Kid #2: *sob* ... I just wanted to give you this picture I drew of you...
Me: *ashamed* Oh. Look. I'm so sorry... I didn't mean that... I shou...
Kid #2: ... a picture of you EATING MY SKITTLES!

She's had it with my excuses...

See, what really happened was that we got a Wii back in Nov of 2007. Normally that would have nothing to do with Skittles... but in this story, it is totally relevant. With the Wii comes Wii-addiictiion... especiialy to that darned soul sucking Wii Teniis game. For about the next two weeks after getting that iinfernal machiine, I was unable to do up my seat belt because my swinging arm was too sore to pull the belt across my chest.

... normally my complete and utter lack of any physical prowess is somewhat un-related to any story related to Skittles, but its all working into the greater picture here, so stay with me.

While I was busy giving myself Wii-itis... my wife and our two friends who were over were busy eating the children's Skittles. I know I didn't have them... cuz I was busy with the Wii... for two weeks... non-stop (for those who had to work with me for those 2 weeks, sorry about the smell). Obviously, no time for Skittles!

Et tu Brutus?

Somewhere over the past almost 2 years, my Wife has admitted to being the one who ate the Skittles ... but the children refuse to believe her. They think I put her up to admitting it.

There are alot of things to unpack in that story:
1) My children think I'm the type of father who would steal thier candy.
2) My children think I'm cunning enough to force thier own mother to lie to them.
3) I may have a mild Wii-addiction which I will have to deal with at some time in my life before it ruins our family and forces us to live in a van down by the river because I lost our house in an online game of Mario Cart.
4) No matter what I say, my children refuse to believe me.

Still not convinced...

I can deal with #'s 1,2 + 3... really I can. Because I may just be the type of father to eat thier candy... and maybe I would ask my wife to cover up ala Skittle-gate... and we could get a very nice van.

But #4 is what is troubling me.

If I can not convince my children of the past 11, 9 or 5 (and a 1/2) years that I didn't eat their Skittles...

... what hope do I have to convince a 4 year old Chinese girl that she is loved and truly part of this family?


  1. Are you implying I ate the skittles?
    I may have have had 1 or 2.... dozens but your kids are right! In spirit, you're the one who ate them, by letting Tracy gourge herself!

  2. Oh, great! I'm being accused now... if anything I'm the one who only ate 1 or two skittles(mainly because candy is not my thing and I only like the green ones), I assure you that Alban ate the majority, then Roberta. I think you and I were more concentrated on finishing off the kids' potato chips...

    How we miss just hanging out... at least we get to see you soon!! We're SO looking forward to your layover in Van! Yay!


  3. Alban: No, I'm not 'implying' that you ate my kids Skittles, I'm bluntly stating that you did in fact eat the kids Skittles. :-)

    Tracy: Ah, yes... the potato chips... good times. Good times. :-) We will be seeing you guys soon tho! Thats awesome!