Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Don't say no!
Hmmmm... I guess I have not posted anything in a long while. Like, a *really* long while. Sorry. I think I missed the whole month of April... I don't think I've ever missed a whole month before.
I see that I had started this post many many many moons ago. I can't remember what it was going to be about. All that was here, was a title "Don't Say No", a picture of a screaming Bing... and about 7 bottles of wine.
I'm trying to remember what it was about... I'm sure the wine and screaming child are related, but I can't quite... put... it... together.
Anyway, I'm away from the kids for a little bit here, and it's amazing how much you can miss the little ones. I'm stuck in my big comfy hotel room bed, with room service and laundry services. I can sleep as long as I want, no one needed me to get them water, go to the bathroom, or help them through bad dreams. You would think that's a good thing.
Oddly enough, I miss the 2, 3 and 4 am wake up calls. I miss the crying child with a bad dream. I find myself wandering aimlessly through the streets looking for children to kick me, or whine about something...
Oh! Speaking of whining... I think my co-workers are worse than my children! On our 15 hour flight, I don't think we even left our airport before my co-worker leans over and says "Are we there yet?". It only went down hill from there... Eating diner at the hotel, one is complaining that there is too much air coming from the ceiling vents, another is complaining that the mirror on the booth edges are making him dizzy, another is complaining that there is too much food, to little food, the room is too far from the elevator, etc. BAH!
But back to the kids... right, I remember where the "Don't Say No" comes in.
Bing has been adjusting well to his new life in our family. And every now and again, he does something so cute and heart wrenching that it catches me off guard. This is the little one who has thrown more tantrums than my manager when he reviews my work... (yes, I'm on a business trip, and I think the 12~16 hour days are making me a little punchy). But he is softening.
I love to see our children grow and stretch and embrace their new families... again, because it doesn't come easy, and it definitely doesn't come fast.
But this particular day, Bing was wanting something. And immediately after his initial request (probably something like "Daddy, can we play hide and seek"), were these sweet words ... "Don't say no."
It was a definite state of vulnerability he was opening up to. No more anger, at least, not then. No tantrum. No screaming.
Just... "Don't say no."
An honest request, simple, clear and heart felt.
Which kinda brings me back to my co-worker...
Co-Worker: What do you mean you like people who are vulnerable?!
Me: It's an important lesson to learn. To be vulnerable. To be able to rely on others.
CW: No. No it's stupid. *sniff* If you fall and break your leg, what are you going to do? Call someone on the cell phone 2 miles away and wait for them to come! *cough* No. You fix your own darned leg.
Me: Hmmm, interesting. But there will be a time when you will encounter something you can not fix on your own.
CW: Nope, that's just being useless. *hack*
Me: I'm not talking useless, I'm talking about being OK with being vulnerable.
CW: Like when. *snif* Give me one example of when it would be good to be vulnerable.
Me: Okay, lets look at you for a second. You are sick.
CW: Yea. *snif* Stupid airplane ride make me sick, cuz I was sitting in front of the air vent the whole 15 hours.
Me: Right. And you were so busy NOT being vulnerable that you never asked to switch seats, or asked for help. So, by working so hard NOT to be vulnerable, you have now made yourself sick and are very vulnerable - even having to have others take you to the clinic. If you would have just been vulnerable enough to ask "Hey Yeti, you rough and rugged person you, do you mind switching seats so I can be warmer?", I would have switched with you. In fact, I offered to switch, and you were too busy being "strong" to accept my help.
CW: *pffffbth* Oh what do you know.
Me: I'm not the one who is sick.
I guess we never like to admit we need help... but we all do. Even when we're grown up on a long flight, not just a hurting 4 year old adjusting to a new family.