I've often sat for extended periods of time trying to figure out this 'attachment' and 'loss'. I know that the people-who-help-people-with-trying-to-understand-what-they-are-feeliung-and-why-they-are-feeling-it people... keep using big words like... ummm... well they are big. And have lots of letters which should not be used together. Like, psychology, psychological, parapsychology, parasympathetic?!?! GAH! I think my spell checker just blew up.
|Old team, reborn|
Look guys, here it is, plain and simple. The next few sentences will save you from having to read like, I donno, probably 42 books... or something. Maybe more.
Loss is like Hockey. No, I'm not talking about when your beloved Hockey team looses in the Stanley Cup game 7 finals. That is expected loss.
What I'm talking about here is when you spent a good portion of your life, living in some town down over grown farming town cheering for loosing hockey team with no hopes of making the play offs for 12 years (I'm looking at you Winnipeg JETS), and then the team is sold, and you leave town.
But then, but then something wonderful happens! You move to a new city, with a great hockey team, who is just dominating their division! Life is good! Hope is high, expectations are met, your team marches into the Stanley Cup play offs for 12 years straight, although never able to capture that treasured Stanley Cup despite having all the talent in the world (I'm looking at you Ottawa Senators)... but still, all your hopes and dreams have been fulfilled in this new place! Life is great!
Something happens though, unexpected. But then out of the blue, that crappy, old, torn down excuse of a hockey team is revived through a strong Canadian Dollar and a struggling American Hockey Market... and a few short weeks later, you are caught... watching your new hockey team facing your old hockey team. And you are conflicted. See, all the great things that happened in the new city, they don't simply erase the memories built in the first city. Nor should they.
So what can you do as a hockey fan of two teams? I can not deny the 12 years I spent longing for that sad sack of hockey pucks in Winnipeg... nor can I deny that I love my Ottawa team. I have to embrace both teams. That is the only option.
My boys get it. Sons #1 + #2 jumped on the band wagon for both teams. They helped me embrace that love of my 1st team, and not be ashamed no matter how pathetic the Jets were back in the late 80's and early 90's.
That is what we have to do for our adopted children. Let them embrace their past as best they can, because there was loss.... even if it makes no sense to us. But we also have to help them embrace their new team and walk though the transition from cheering for the Winnipeg Jets to the Ottawa Senators... or something. You get it right?
There you go guys. No need to thank me. I should print that up, stick it in a fancy book jacket and sell it for 35$ at Chapters. I'd have to give it a fancy title... like, oh, I donno... "The Yeti's Guide to International Adoption: How to Help Your Child Embrace their Loss While Entering their Future" ... or something.
I'd buy that.
I'd read that too.
That was waaaaay better than that book by that other person.