Thursday, September 1, 2011


Sooooo... yea, it has been a little quiet lately around here.
What's that you ask?
Oh, why?
Ummm... 125+ days waiting.
That is why.

I've tried blogging this past week... but everything sounded so bitter and angst-y that none of it was post worthy.  I don't think there was anything to take away from those posts which would have helped anyone.

So I've been scouring my mind trying to find something, ANYTHING, happy this week... I'm still thinking.

Lets see here...

Waiting.  Stalled.  No one knows why.  Our adoption agency has said "I asked CCAA last week, your dossier had been passed to the Department for LSC.  I will follow this next week." - there are no flags, or notices, or anything "wrong" with our file... it just has stopped.  No new information coming.  That message sounded hopeful from the agency, until I remember that news was from Aug 4th.  Generally the LSC arrives in 1 to 3 weeks.  Uhhhhmmm.  Oh well.  I guess we just keep waiting.

Home Renovations?  
Waiting.  Stalled.  City of Ottawa rejected sections of our building plans.  Fun weekend of talking with architects/engineers and contracts to get stuff fixed.  Sooooo, yea, resubmitted the paper work, and now... like our adoption... we wait.

Family is doing well?  
Weeeeeell, the wife's grandfather just passed away.  And because we have the home renovations and adoption, we don't have the money to send her waaaay back out to Alberta for the funeral.  Massive guilt for not going?  Check!  Family probably gonna be mad?  Check!  Maybe.  So far its been good.  I'm just waiting for the emotions to really kick into high gear during the funeral.

So here I sit... sick, dizzy, waiting for everything and in the back of my head I hear my own voice just screaming "Can't something go right for me today?!  Just.  One.  Flipping.  Thing.  Go.  Right."


Then I notice some updates on Facebook and I'm reminded of the weekend that was.  We had some good friends over, and they had updated some pictures from the weekend in their Facebook album titled 'Fun Stuff'.  What a great reminder.  We had some good friends over on the weekend for some canoeing, camp fire, s'mores and music.  It was a really nice distraction from waiting for ... well... everything.  :-)

J looks "distinguished",
 even with s'mores smushed in his beard

The kids are adorable

Ping finally has a  (Chinese) role model who doesn't  scare her

K + Y, teenagers, what can ya do?

Only posting this picture of K because Y said he looks "Hot".
Then she said "No WAIT!  TELL HIM THAT!  POST this Picture!" ...
Well, maybe it was "DON'T tell him", and "DON'T post".
So hard to remember being so OLD and all.  Oh well.

Even a midst this fun wonderful weekend with friends, I could have decided to focus on the fact that my son kicked me out of the canoe because I was "too fat and will make it sink".

I could focus on the fact that I got called OLD many times... every grey hair on my head and in my beard counted (J pointed out that it will make me look 'distinguished' ... but I don't WANT to be distinguished yet!).

I could even focus on the fact that Lukai was not here to share this weekend with us... but he could have been had the paperwork not stalled 125+ days ago!  Not that I'm counting.  :-)

Yes, even during the good times, we can become so distracted with waiting for Lukai that we can miss the wonderful life happenings all around us.

Its a tough balance to reach.  I mean, I just want Lukai home.  And that is a pretty all consuming thought.  Wanting him home is not a bad thing... is it?  I guess it *could* be a bad thing if it causes me to miss the quality moments with the other children and wife.

You would think that the poor minimum wage government working in China pushing the adoption paperwork could find at least a couple of minutes during their 16 hour work day to finish our documents and get us home with Lukai?  :-)

It's gonna be OK though.  Find your happy place.  Aaaand, I'm OK.  We're gonna be OK.  We're gonna be just FINE.

*ring* *ring* *ring*
Me:  Hello?
Wife:  Can I go to Pensilvania?
Me:  Wha?!
Wife:  There are other adoptive families there.  I wan't to go visit them to distract myself.
Me:  So you want to leave the country.
Wife:  What?  I have a passport!
Me:  Let me just check the email...
Wife:  Why?  There is nothing in the email.
Me:  Why did they send you their address already?
Wife:  They did?
Me:  And a map to their place?
Wife:  I didn't say "yes" yet.
Me:  Un-huh.

We're gonna be FINE.  We're gonna be just ...

*ring* *ring* *ring*
Wife:  No one likes me!  No one wants me to come!
Me:  Wha?!
Wife:  Well I said I would come... and no one is free this weekend!

I'm gonna be fine.

... the wife... I'm not so sure.


  1. Hey, Adrian, you forgot something. We've arranged for a conference call prayer meeting for tonight to pray your son home. Prayer does work, my friend, and He is in control no matter how it feels right now, okay? So hang in there just a little while longer. I promise when you get news of LOA the load will be lifted from your shoulders, and when Lukai is home with you, you will never ever take his presence in your life for granted. :-)

  2. Ah yes! The prayer meeting I organized! :-) I remember now. Thanks. Hopefully Roberta replied to you - I did send her the info last night.

  3. Adrian, another Taiyuan mom here - so sorry for your wait! You must be almost crazy! We're also in the middle of our LOA wait and hope it's not an SWI issue. Praying you hear something VERY soon!! I'm so sorry you've had to wait this long. Blessings for news soon. Kim

  4. So far as we can gather, it appears to be an issue with the Chinese office which issues the "LOA"s. There appears to be very little correlation between the wait times and destination countries, SWIs, or adoption agencies. My best guess would be that when the CCAA agency in China changed to the CCWAA the staffing changed - maybe there are some new people whom take a lot longer to process stuff. Maybe there is less focus on the "LOA"s because they are addressing other issues in the new agency... or something else all together. But many LOAs are coming quick. So it appears (to me) that is a personal staff issue within the "LOA" office. Some "LOA" officers are efficient and quick, some appear to take over 125 days. :-) Luck of the draw? I donno. I'm stumped. So is our adoption agency.

    Oh, and I do think the wife is going crazy slowly. I've been there for years... so... :-)

  5. Adrian, try to remember that when we're in a positive space, good things happen. When we feel down, things look bad and it's almost impossible to see the good. Try to shift your focus to positive things, even if very small to begin with and you'll see that little by little good things materialize (and eventually your LOA will too).
    We loved seeing you guys the other day. I think I'll be in Ottawa soon for a meeting, so I hope I can see you guys and check our your renovations! Keep smiling -we're all praying for you.

  6. Ah, well, do drop us a line if you are in the Ottawa area. :-) Roberta is looking for *something* to do on the long weekend... we might end up in Toronto again. :-) She wanted Pensilvania, but apparently no one was free. Right about now, you never know whats gonna happen at the Berzenji household! Fun times! :-)

  7. I'm not very good with the whole encouraging word things, but we are praying for you and your family. We cannot imagine how hard it would be to wait knowing who your child is, but eventually you will have him home and hundreds/thousands will rejoice with you; including God, who does know what is going on.

    I'm free this weekend, but I cannot find a way to get to Pennsylvania--if I started driving now I might make it there by Saturday afternoon, but I'm pretty cranky when I don't have any sleep.

  8. Praying that your LOA is released and sent! Praying your little son home SOON! And simply praying for you all as you wait.

  9. We are praying for you guys! I know that the two+ months that we had to wait to travel from the time we received our referral and pictures of Clarissa was tough, that two months was way longer than the almost 4 yrs that we waited for the referral. I can't even imagine waiting 125+ days. Trust that His plan will bring Lukai at the right time, although that is a lot easier to say than to do. Our thought and prayers all of you.

  10. Praying every single day for you guys and for Lukai. Loved the pics! And my sympathies to Roberta. I remember the desperate urge to just get on a plane and go somewhere, anywhere. Somehow I figured it would help me get to China fatser. Ummmm perhaps I should've studied my geography a little more?!

  11. I hope your LOA comes fast.

    Hey, I live in PA. We just started our home study to adopt again. You are all welcome to come visit.