Tuesday, July 12, 2011

That's NOT awesome for Daddy

I should have noticed, Bob (from FOI) and the wife planning child #6.
Oh why was I so blind!
Ping:  Why you and Mommy fighting?
Me:  Oh baby!  We're not fighting.  Daddy is laughing.
Ping:  Hmmmmm... Daddy laughing.  Mommy no laughing though.
*slight pause as she thinks*
Ping:  That's NOT awesome for Daddy.
Me:  *laughing*  No baby, you are probably right.  This is probably NOT awesome for Daddy.
Wife:  You are such a moron.
Me:  Look, all I'm saying is that we should finish THIS adoption before looking at the next.

Lets rewind the story about 5 minutes or so... see my lovely wife had started talking about adoption again.  And I don't mean "finishing" our current adoption.  Already looking ahead to the NEXT adoption.  Thats right, child #6.

But forget about Child #6 for a moment.  I mean, I did call this a while back, that the Wife would see little Lukai playing by himself in the corner of the basement, as the older boys ignore him because he is a "baby" while the girls ignore him because he is an "icky boy".  I can hear the conversation now... "but look at how lonely little Lukai is!  He NEEDS another brother!"  *siiiiiigh*

Room for 1 more brother... maybe 2?
But that is for another day, and not something I'm gonna be talking about now.  The decision to add to your family is never an easy decision.  It is easy enough to say "yes, we want to hear the pitter patter of little feet running around the house", or to dream about all the wonderful times we will share as family, laughing, playing, growing. The happy parts are easy to dream.

The hard part is the part that is scary.  For some parents, it is the first time they find out they are pregnant.  Then the fear of the first time parent pounces upon the unsuspecting to be parents.  The "am I ready for this?", or "am I going to be a good father/mother" question, the "can we afford a baby" questions, the "how do we feed/change/clothe/care for this little puking machine?" questions.  The self doubt of "am I going to mess this child up and have them stuck in therapy by the age of 7?!", or the "OH MY GOSH!  OH MY GOSH!  WHAT THE CRAP AM I DOING?!?!  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING?!?  AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!" ... but maybe that was just me... yesterday.

As an adoptive parent, we go though those same questions, and then some.  Even though we already have 3 biological children, 1 adopted daughter and another adoption in progress... we still have those questions.  It never gets easier.  Oh wait, hold on, the wife is telling me something... um-huh, right... okay... I'll clarify that.  Apparently, it is only me who has those questions and concerns.  The wife is OK with everything.  Riiiiiiiiiigh.

She doesn't look worried dose she?
But the most amazing thing, is that even though logic and common sense may say "STOP HAVING KIDS"... there is something else which is even stronger and more powerful than common sense and logic.  The knowledge that there is still enough room and enough love for one more child to enter your family.  When you realize that, then all of a sudden the worries start to fade away, and panic subsides... and decisions become so much easier to make.

However, that is when YOU are going though it.  What about when others are going though it?

Maybe in the past I've been a little harsh on those who are "not adoptive" people (or those who just didn't seem to "get it") in how they support "adoptive" families.  I could not understand why some people could not just be happy for us adopting.  I didn't understand why people would be worried that we were going to "ruin our beautiful family by adopting".  However, we have good friends who are currently looking at adopting.  They are going though all the normal AAAAAAH type moments as they realize that their family is going to grow, that there may (or may not) be special needs attached to their new child, that this is going to change the way they do family forever.

And I'm torn.
Lost for words (hard to imagine I know).

I don't know what to say.  Everything inside me is jumping up and down screaming "DO IT!  Adopt that beautiful child!"  ... but at the same time, I don't know what they are thinking.  I don't want to sway their decision making or the "process" which they have to go though to come to the right decision for their family.

So I sit and wait, and no matter what decision they come to, I will support their decision.  Because as a friend, it is not my job to make a decision for them... it is not my job to change their minds... it is my job to love them, support them, keep them in prayer, encourage them and help them in which ever decision they do make.

One thing I do know is that despite what my daughter thinks, I'm pretty sure each child added to our family has been the "MOST AWESOMEST thing for Dad" ever.  :-)


  1. I can't help but point out the obvious. When you complete your current adoption, your family will not be balanced. You will have three boys and only 2 girls. If you adopt another boy, then I think that means you will also need to adopt 2 more girls to balance everything.

    Just trying to help.

  2. Uh, thanks... but stop helping. ;-) I'm not sure about a family of... 6, 7... uh, carry the 1... 10!?!?! :-)

  3. Hey thanks for posting a picture of Bob. I think I have something like 75 emails with him over the past 3 years, and countless phone conversations, but I didn't actually know what he looks like!

  4. I've always heard that you should have an EVEN number of children. That way when you go to an amusement park, etc., they each have someone to ride with! So, another one, would simply make it an even number for you.

  5. I like Judi's comment about even number of children. Hmm, that means I would have to go back for another in a year! I doubt they would let me d/t age! We'll see! Blessing to you and your family, love following along and I can't wait to see the pictures on the next two!