Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Travel Buddy / Ontario Approval

So we got our Ontario Approval!  Yay!  One step closer to bringing Lukai home.
Can you see the pictures of Lukai in the background?
But that one step closer awoken a fear of mine...  See, my wife is still planning on going to China *alone*.  And although we have hand many many discussions on this matter, I'm pretty sure I've lost this argument already.  Much like every.  other.  argument.  ever.  In all of our 14 years of marriage... I'm still waiting to win one.  I'm due... eventually. So she will go.  And I will stay home and watch the kids.  And hopefully Marg, Nancy, Yang (or Yangs Mother in Law - I'm not picky), Jeni, Ping, Susan, Sharlene or someone, will take pity on my children and send food... but THAT is not the fear I'm talking about today.

So, before I loose myself in a pool of self pity and want for a new stereo system, let me expound on the whole "wife going to China alone" bit.

Let me list a few of the issues/thoughts/worries/hopes I have to when my wife travels to China by herself.

My wife is likely to:

  • get lost
  • not understand the culture
  • get overwhelmed with everything that has to happen in China re: adoption (it is very stressful)
  • get sick
  • Lukai could get sick
  • D (who may travel with her) could get sick
  • D could get lost
  • D could refuse to eat anything in China
  • my wife could accidently offend someone in China and be deported
  • arrested (oh wait, maybe that was the fear if I went to China)
  • sold into the hands of some rich Russian Oil Barron

Now, I'm not saying which of those were the fears, and which ones were the hopes... but surfice it to say that I am worried about my wife travelling alone to China to complete our adoption of Lukai.

I mean, this is the same woman who:

  • punched a little old granny in the back of the head at the circus because the little old granny complained that our eldest son was blocker her view
  • driven off highway overpasses while talking not realizing that she was off the road and barreling down a grassy embankment until the screaming in the car stopped
  • who thought it was a good idea to let a homeless man take her out for breakfast when he was a wanted sex offender
  • who lost her niece in Zellers because she was looking at a blender (granted her sister (ie: the mother) was there and was also distracted by said blender)
  • who once got lost driving from IKEA home - a route she takes quite often - and got so MAD she pulled the car over and yelled at it "WELL IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE ME HOME, THEN WE WILL JUST SIT HERE UNTIL YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND!"  Which in and of itself doesn't sound all that weird until you factor in that she was yelling at the car.

So yes, I worry, and yes, she needs help...

Now there have been people who have offered to go with her to China.  But most of these people are single, or not parents, or young, or just looking for an adventure or something.  They are not necessarily the right kind of person to go and actually be a help mate.

What she needs is someone who can be a support, but not demanding.
Someone who understands the needs of a child, but not feel the need to bond with that child*.
Someone who can travel well, yet be content to not leave a hotel room if the need arises.
Someone who can understand adoption and the messiness of it at times, and not try to clean it up.

Its not easy adopting.  And being in a foreign country, with foreign laws, with foreign languages, with the stresses of having a grieving child thrust into your life - and you theirs is really not easy.  Let me state that again, just in case I was not subtle enough... it is not easy.

Can the wife do this on her own?  Absolutely.  I trust that she can.
Should she have to do it on her own?  No.  I wish we had the funds and support to allow us both to go.
Is there someone out there who could maybe help her?  I'm sure there is...

Do I hope someone steps up and offers to travel with my wife to China to complete the adoption?  For the sake of our new child, yes.  Because being adopted is traumatic enough - however, being stuck with a Calgarian woman who is a little crazy around the edges and having to watch her get sold into the hands of that rich Russian Oil Barron is probably just a little too much for our new son to endure...  but then again, kids are a lot stronger than we give 'em credit for... maybe it would be OK after all.

* == Bonding has to be between parent and child, not parents-friend and child.


  1. Oh my word A! If R is okay with you posting this she is a better woman than I. Lol She's going to do amazing, but I'll be praying. :)

  2. Well see, thats why I post at 1 in the morning. :-) She is asleep. she won't see it until tomorrow. :-) IF the post is deleted by 9am tomorrow, you will now what happened...

    Just tell the police to drag the river beds to find my body... :-)

  3. Well, I definitely see your point. But, I have to say that if your wife has a guide, she will be just fine! I traveled alone last year. I had no fears or worries and I absolutely LOVED it. It was so wonderful to have alone time for a bit, take everything in, prepare for our daughter. I wish I could do it all over again. It will be fine.

  4. And that is why we are saving like crazy. Because DH can not do this without me. And I do not want do this without DH. And we don't want to leave DD for 2+ weeks.

    Make sure you have an ACE guide for R and I am sure everything will be fine.

  5. Congratulations on being another step closer! I think you are just "upset" because YOU want to go! LOL!

  6. I agree with you on this, Keep fighting. No one should do the adoption trip alone! BOTH parents should go. too much can go wrong and the single traveler becomes a burden for the entire travel group.

    Keep fighting. hopefully she will see the light soon.

  7. I agree, it is really hard to find the "right" type of travel buddy. I have every faith in Roberta, she will do GREAT!

  8. Congratulation!!!!!
    And come on Adrian, just be yourself, you never win such fight:-) And that's why you are a good husband and Dad. According to Chinese standard, this is true:-)

  9. And it is really not necessary to worry too much about her travel. This time will be much simpler. TaiYuan is just about 4 hours away from Beijing if she take bullet train or flight. They are all north China style cities. Weather is very much the same. Dieting is similar which is good for lukai. Very thing will be just fine.