Wife: We are TOTALLY gonna do this adoption better!
Me: Oh yea, totally. I mean, we're totally going to ... uh... how are we going to do it better?
Wife: We are going to be more organized!
Wife: And we are going to be patient!
Wife: And we are not going to freak out when things go wrong!
Wife: And when we want to scream and cry and rip off some stupid minimum wage making government official because they forgot to double stamp our police report - we will NOT freak out!
Me: YEEES!!! You go girl!
Wife: We will NOT be the ones to break down and cry! To rage against the paper work to fight the system!
Me: No Ma'am! Not US!
Wife: We will be diligent and get our paper work done before it is asked of us, that way when our social worker asks "Do you have this paperwork done?", we can say yes, and give it to her!
Me: Ye... errr... So, you would not be mad if... saaaaaay, my Doctor hasn't released my medical forms yet?
Wife: Oh no. Not at all. Because we have lots of time!
Me: Oh good! ha ha. Good.
... awkward silence...
Wife: Why do you ask?
Me: Oh its nothing.
Wife: What happened.
Me: Weeeeeeell, my Doctor hasn't sent in my medical forms yet.
Wife: Why? Why not? Why wouldn't she have sent them in yet?! How come?! WHY!?!? They were supposed to be in last week! Why isn't it done yet?! What did you DO?!?!
Me: Nothing. Its just... you know... she is on vacation.
Wife: WHAT?!?!?! THAT IS TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE! When is she getting back??!?!?!!?
Me: Oh, uh... next week.
Wife: Well thats not too bad. We'll have it in be the end of the week then.
Me: Baby, its Monday. Next week. You know, like 7 days away... and then she needs to review the records before sending them in. So, they might be done in two weeks.
Wife: WHAT?!?!?! OH C'MON! This is TOTALLY unacceptable! Call them back! Tell them this is for an adoption!
Me: I did.
Wife: AND THEY DON'T CARE?!?!?! THEY DON'T CARE?!?!?!
Me: Oh no, the minimum wage receptionist sounded very concerned.
Wife: I'm calling them right now! RIGHT NOW!!! BECAUSE THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE! *sob*
Me: I'm so glad you are taking this better than the 1st adoption.
... fast forward a few days ...
Me: So, the medical forms are back. It's all good now!
Wife: I'm so proud of us! We TOTALLY didn't freak out there. We're doing this adoption SO much better! I feel like... you know, anything can happen, and we will be OK with it. Nothing can phase us.
Me: Yup. We're like a rock. Solid.
Me: Yeeeeah, so even if something funny happened, like you know... the police forgetting to get us our "list of occurrences" when they did our blue form we wouldn't freak out.
Wife: YOU LOST OUR LETTER OF OCCURENCES?!?!
Me: Me? No.
Wife: Well WHO would LOOOOOSE our letters of occurences? Huh? Why would be THAT foolish?! And dis-organized!
Me: Well, uh, you actually did the police forms. Sooo...
Wife: OH SO IT'S MY FAULT THAT YOU LOST OUR LETTER OF OCCURENCES?!?!?
Me: No, its, um... your fault that YOU lost our lette...
Wife: DO YOU KNOW THAT I DO EVERY DAY?!?! You try doing what I do! See how much YOU remember! (carry on the whole "I'm doing everything while you just sit around and write on your blog" speech)
Me: (some time later) Okay, look, I just got off the phone with the police, apparently THEY forgot to complete the form...
Wife: (chatter-chatter-chatter) ... oh, well, good. So you can just go get the missing form.
Me: Yea. Um, but I have to go to our Adoption Workers place, pick up the original incomplete forms, return them to the police station, along with the original receipts.
Wife: WHAT?!?!?! OH FOR THE LOVE OF [BEEEEEEEEEP]!!!
... fast forward a couple more days ...
Me: Okay, well, I picked up the original Police forms from our social worker again. And I've just gotta write up an couple letters explaining what happened, and then drop them off again at the Police station.
Wife: Good. We are doing SO great still! Totally not freaking out!
Me: Nope. Oh, and I need your passport again.
Wife: Huh. Uh, what.... why?
Me: Ah, something about proving our identity again and blah blah blah...
Wife: Okay. Okay! Ohhhhhhh kay. Breath. Its not that bad. So, how long will this paper work take to complete?
Me: You mean, to complete it again? The police forms, which we've already done twice now? Not to mention the 4 trips to the Finger Printing* place... that paper work?
Wife: Yes. That paper work.
Me: Well, uh... they said it should be less than two months.
Wife: WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?!? OUR PAPER WORK WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE ONTARIO GOVERNMENTS HANDS BY THE END OF NOVEMBER!!!!
Me: Yea. Oh, good news tho! Our "draft" report is done! So once we get this paper work back, we are GOOD to go!
Wife: Okay. Thats. Um. Thats. Great! Really! We. Are. Doing. Sooooooooooo... great.
Me: Yeaaaaah, great.
Me: Oh? What? Nothing!
Me: Ah, well, its just ah... when I was with the adoption worker... she needs... you know, some more... information from us.
Wife: More. Information.
Me: Yea. But you know. Its nothing big. Just uh. We need to take all the special needs we said we were OK with, and... well... write a 1 page essay on each.
Wife: WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!? OH MOTH[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]ING SON OF A [BEEEEEEEEEEP]!!!! Thats not in the Official Paper Work! WHY?! WWhhhhaaaaayyyyy?!?!
Me: We're the 2nd family in Ontario to EVER have to do it.
Me: Yea, something about the Government wanting to "make sure we know what we're getting into".
Wife: BUT!! BUT! Its NOT on the list!
Me: Yea, I know. I mean, we COULD send in our paper work without it... but then 2 months later, they might reject our paper work and we'll be back here at square one... You okay? I'm sure other families adopting special needs will have to do the same. (pause) Seriously, you OK?
Wife: Boy... you know... I prayed for patience... God is REEEEEAAAAAALY pushing it, ya know?! God is REAAAALY pushing it!
Me: I'll make sure I pass that along to God when I'm talking to him.
* == the Wife's finger prints would not work on the digital finger printer (something about having her finger prints erased when she was an Assassin working for the KGB), so they had to "ink" them. We were THEN told the inking would take up to 9 months. At that point, the wife starting going daily to the finger printing place getting each finger printing tech to try to take her prints (they used sand paper on her fingers, they tried soaking her hands in warm water, etc, etc, etc)... in the end, they wound up getting a good enough set of digital prints.