Thursday, November 4, 2010

Don't you worry about: Behavior

People also seem to be worried about our desire to adopt because of "behavior" issues.  It is as if they assume children adopted will behave badly, while biological children will behave gooder.  I've even had one well meaning person ask me "Why would you want to adopt, you already have 3 wonderful children, and you want to risk wrecking that by adopting?"  Now, I know what they meant, but the "risk" had nothing to do about adoption - and everything to do with just adding another child to the mix.

Wife:  So, we need to take two cars into Church today.
Me:  Oh, why?  Do you have to stay in town for something?
Wife:  No, G invited 3 of her friends, and they all want to come to the party.
Me:  Aaaah, I see.  Okay.  Well, two cars it is.
Wife:  Great, you can drive the girls, and I'll take the boys.
Me:  Why don't you take the girls, and I'll go with the boys?
Wife:  Oh... ah... its... a... because you can get ready quicker in the morning!  Yea!  Thats it!  And you would have more to children to pick up.  The boys only have 1 friend coming.
Me:  Oh, ok.  No problem then.
Wife:  Love you!
Me: *thinking* ... hmmmm... whats this feeling of impending doom for I wonder...

So I stacked G, and Ping into the van, and went and picked up adorable little girls #1 (ADG1).

ADG1:  HI G!!!
G:  Hey!
ADG1:  hehehehe... Hi Ping.
Ping:  This is your house?
ADG1:  Yea.
Ping:  It close to my house.
ADG1:  Yea, it's as close as my BUTT!
Ping:  BUTT!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Daddy, DADDY, she say "butt"!

Ping and ADG1 apparently, sit together on the Bus ride to school every day.  And as they talked about "butt" and other such things, they eventually broke out into a laughing match.  Yes, they wanted to see who could laugh the loudest and the longest.  Which would be fine... except that ADG1 would do it only when Ping tried to speak.  Naturally, Ping started getting annoyed, because she wanted to talk to G + ADG1... but every time Ping opened her mouth, ADG1 started screaming!  In fact, I saw A LOT of what Ping has learned lately (which I don't like), coming from this ADG1.  Word for word... including the "what-ever" every time you ask them to do something... 

Me:  Oh, we don't way "whatever" or "butts" in our family.  Okay?
Ping:  Okay Daddy!

Hmmm, Ping actually stopped saying "butt" and "whatever" when I asked her to.  What a good daughter, way to go Ping!  It was (thankfully) a quick drive to adorable little girls #2 house...

ADG2:  Hey G!  Hey Ping!
G:  Hey!  Come sit by me!
ADG2:  Okay!  Oh.  Hi.  Let me tell you about ...

... it was unfortunately a 15 minute drive to the next girls house ...

ADG2: ... and thats why she said No!

Yes, ADG2 talked the whole way... non-stop.
So now, I have Ping getting mad, because ADG1 is STILL screaming every time Ping tries to talk (and thinking its funny).
ADG1 is driving me nuts (who I've corrected many times already in the van - but keeps coming up with "variations" of what she is doing wrong, ala the: "but you didn't say I couldn't scream at the window" excuse.
ADG2 is talking at the top of her lungs to be louder than ADG1.
And poor G is just trying to have them all to get along.

We wind up at adorable little girls #3 house...

Me:  Okay, G, lets go get ADG #3.
G:  Okay!
Ping:  I come!
Me:  No, sorry Ping.  You are waaaay in the back of the van.  We will be right back.
Ping:  I want to come!
Me:  Sorry baby.
Ping:  You not nice!

By this time, we had been in the van for about 30 minutes.  And poor Ping has been getting yelled at by ADG1 every time she opens her mouth.  Pings patience is getting pretty thin.  At this point, I'm wondering ... how did my wife talk me into driving 5 girls all under the age of 6 to church while she is having a relaxing cup of coffee at the breakfast table...

Anyway, ADG3 gets into the van - and the chaos continues.

Don't get me wrong.  The girls were all having a good time.  It was just utter Chaos!

I don't think Ping does well with Chaos.  It seems to work her up into a frenzy which she then starts to behave poorly.

45 minutes later, we are at church and I'm signing the girls into the Sunday school party.  It is at THIS time my wife decides to show up and take the credit...

Kids Pastor:  Oh look!  G, you brought like 3 friends!  Thats wonderful!
Wife:  Yea, well, you know, they wanted to come, so I figured we should bring 'em!
Kids Pastor:  Oh you are such a wonderful person!
Me:  Hey!  Wait a second!  I'm the one that ...
Wife:  Go hang up the coats?  Great, thanks.

Now, I mentioned the boys had "1 friend" coming.  Well, it turns out that this "1 friend" ended up like, fracturing his ankle in one of the games at the party.  Oh, not good.  But, more importantly, my wife handed him off to ME and I had to take the broken kid home to his parents.

After dropping him off at the door with his father, and explaining the story as best I could, I returned to the van to the 5 girls all under the age of 6 to hear Ping crying and yelling at them.

The moment I open the door ADG1 + 2 start with the "Ping is being mean to us" song and dance.  It is a dance I've been hearing all morning from these two, and it has never been the case.  Yes, Ping maybe got mad at them, but it was always upon provocation.

Me:  What did Ping do?
ADG1+2:  She yelled at us!
Me:  Un-huh.  And what did you do, that made her yell?
ADG1+2:  Oh, noooothing. *little angle wings and halos appearing out of no where*
Me:  Un-huh.  I'm not buying that.  Ping, what happened?
Ping:  They were no nice to me.
Me:  Hmmm.  Interesting.  G, what happened?
G:  I don't know.
Me:  Yes baby, you do.  It just happened, and you were sitting right there the whole time.
ADG2:  We didn't do nothing!  *halo slipping a little to the left*
ADG1:  Yea!  Nothing!  Ping just got mad.
Me:  G?
ADG1+2:  She is mean!
Me:  I didn't ask you girls, now, be quiet.
G:  *long pause*  Well, ADG1 + 2 were not talking nice to Ping.  They were saying mean things to her.

Aaaaah!  There is my daughter!

Ping was rightfully upset after that.  She reminded me that she did not like ADG1, or 2, for the rest of the ride home.  She even said she didn't like G anymore... or me... or anyone...

I guess there are a few things noted here...

  1. even biological children can be pains in the butt, and can have behavior issues
  2. adopted children can have behavior issues, some specific to adoption
  3. raising an adopted child isn't any "harder" than a biological one, you just have 'different' issues
  4. adorable cute girls 1 + 2, really, were not that adorable
  5. never let your wife talk you into taking 5 girls under the age of 6 for extended road trips
  6. our daughter G is wiling to stand up for her sister - even if her friends are going to be mad at her

I think that last point there, thats the one to pay attention to.

Did Ping get mad (at everyone)?  Sure.  Was it because she was adopted - No.  It is because she had an annoying biological child screaming in her face for 30 minutes, it is because she was getting picked on, talked meanly to, etc.  Any child would get upset over that.

Did adopting make our children less "wonderful"?  No.  Not at all.  If anything, it is helping teach us all how to be a better family... including G, who despite her gentile nature, and her desire never to hurt anyones feelings, grew a little more wonderful this Sunday as she stood up for her sister in the midst of peer pressure.

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