I no LIKE China!

Since Ping has gotten home, she has flip flopped between liking China, and not liking China.
When we 1st got home to Canada - Ping was very quickly rejecting Mandarin as quickly as she could!  She would not speak Mandarin (except to yell at me), and when our friends DID speak to her in Mandarin, she quickly retreated.  It is very apparent that she is still struggling with her Chinese background... and only recently that she has started asking about her China life and talking about it...

Then (July '09)

(Arriving at Chinese School Saturday Morning)
Ping:  I no like Chinese school.
Me:  Really?  Why not?
Ping:  I no like China.
Me:  Oh.  Well, thats OK, you don't have to like China.  I like China.
Ping:  What?!  Why you like China!
Me:  I think China is very beautiful!  I think China is GREAT!
Ping:  Mmmmm... No.  China normal.
Me:  *I smile at her*  You know Daddy goes to Chinese school.
Ping:  WHAT?!  No.  Daddy not Chinese.  Ping Chinese.
Me:  Yes, Ping is Chinese.  And Ping goes to Chinese school on Saturday - but DADDY goes to Chinese School on Monday.
Ping:  WHAT?!  Why!  Why you go Chinese school?
Me:  Well, because I want to know more about China.  Because I love China.  Because I love you.
Ping:  Why?  Why you love China?!
Me:  I think that Chinese is beautiful!
Ping:  How China beautiful?
Me:  My Ping is beautiful, and my Ping is Chinese!
Ping:  Okay.  I go Chinese school.  But Daddy stay.

... it is interesting and heartbreaking to watch her have to walk though this.  And knowing that there is just nothing we can really DO about it.  We can support her and stuff, but really, this is something she has to walk out herself, hopefully walking in out with the knowledge that she is truly and deeply loved.  I don't think that "Daddy going to Chinese school" really solves anything for her, but it really did seem to stop her argument, and make her think (by the way, it is very cute to watch a 5 year old try to process "big thoughts".  As I watch her face contort into different shapes, the eye brows raise, the lips curl, it is as IF you can actually SEE the "connection" being made in her mind... I can't help but think "This is probably what it feels like whenever my wife asks me to take out the garbage/do the dishes/clean the sink/scrub the toilet/etc...").

Now (Nov '10)

On her Birthday, she was SO proud to sing Happy Birthday to me in Mandarin - and that was the 1st time she has EVER tried to speak to me in Mandarin... well, again, except for the yelling.

Will she figure this out?  Absolutely.
Will it be easy?  Absolutely not.
Will we be there to love her though it?  Absolutely!!!
Will she ever stop yelling at me?  I hope not.  :-)