Monday, September 27, 2010

Starting it All... Again...

Almost a year and a half ago, I posted this:  http://berzenji.blogspot.com/2009/07/starting-it-all.html
Well, now... I'm posting it again.
I've thought for days about how to Blog about the Fact that we've started our 2nd adoption.
I had many great ideas... I though...  :-)

Another one coming...
Me:  What about if I do a video montage of me driving in the car, and every song on the radio is about babies!
Wife:  Huh?  Wazzz dat?!  Whoze der?!  *SnnorcK*
Me:  You know, like... Ace of Base's song All that She Wants is Another Baby... or Amy Grant's Baby Baby.  Or Baby's Got Back!   And every time it gets to the part about having a Baby, I'll pretend to switch stations.
Wife:  Now?
Me:  Okay, or, how about... we get Ping a Tee-Shirts with "I'm A Big Sister" written on it!
Wife:  You want to talk about this NOW?
Me:  No?  Okay, how about something more subtle!  Liiiiike, uh, OH!  I'll take pictures of things like 7 seats at the diner table!  Or all 7 seats in the mini-van!  You know... cuz there will be 7 people in our family now!
Wife:  ITS 2AM IN THE MORNING!!!
Me:  Oh, really?  I didn't notice.  Guess I'm kind of excited.
Wife:  ... moron.
Me:  What about if w...
Wife:  Oh my gosh!  Just post a freaking blog already and be done with it!  I just want to go back to bed!  And stop being so narcissistic!
Me:  Boy, you are grumpy when you get woken up...
Wife:  You think?
Me:  ... and thats why it should be me!  I can handle waking up multiple times a night better!
Wife:  OH FOR THE LOVE OF ....

So yes, in ending the worst kept secret of the Forever Family Blog, we have begun the paper work for our 2nd adoption!

So, to answer some of the questions we get asked on a continual basis:
  • Yes, we still want another child, and yes, adopting, and yes, China.
  • No, it isn't really any quicker - well, a little, but only because we know the paper work a little better, and don't have to do the PRIDE Course again, and a shorter Home Study.
  • Yes, we think this is a good decision.
  • No, it isn't really any easier (not emotionally anyway).
  • Yes, we know what we are doing (or at least as much as we ever did know anything)
  • No, it isn't really any cheaper.
  • Yes, we would consider an older child with special needs again.
  • No, I don't think thats crazy.
  • Yes, Ping is doing great.
  • No, she stopped speaking Mandarin.
  • Yes, she stopped yelling at me.
  • No, we don't know the child.
  • Yes, we are open to either a boy or girl.
  • No, we... oh wait... the wife is yelling at me.
Un-huh... right.  No, we talked about it.  I didn't think we confirmed her.  I know.  No.   Un-huh.  Yes.  Right.  Well, hmmm, I don't know.  You really think so?  No.  I kind of totally disagree.  The couch, yes, I know it.  Oh.  Right.

Okay... so um, apparently, my wife has really fallen for a little 8 year old girl with Cerebral Palsy.

Now, for the sake of transparency, honesty, and hopefully help/encouragement for those in similar positions, I'm going to talk openly about this, and no, it won't be easy:
  • Yes, my wife and I have both been introduced to a wonderful little 8 year old girl who needs a Forever Family.
  • No, we are not in agreement about adopting her.
  • Yes, there is a chance one of us will have a change of heart, prompted by God.
  • No, I don't know how this will be reconciled.
  • Yes, we are open to other children.
  • No, this isn't a "problem" for our family - we've dealt with bigger issues over whether or not to have another child, and if so, which child.
  • Yes, there are other children.
  • No, I'm not sure adopting out of birth order is the best thing to do.
So yea, what do you do when you disagree on a child?  I mean, if you got pregnant, it is kind of a non-issue.  But this is an issue*.  What about adopting out of birth order?  What about adopting a beautiful little girl who needs a wheel chair when our house has 3 floors, and no ramps?  Gah!  And the list goes on!

Now... when we moved from Winnipeg to Ottawa... we flipped a coin.  We also flipped a coin to decide which house to buy.  Come to think of it, a coin flip has answered many of our questions.  I'm pretty sure it is a biblical method of coming to decisions - I mean, God is the God of Flipped Coins isn't he?  I'm pretty sure had Jesus not given all his money away to the poor and the needy, he too would have flipped a coin to solve many of his dilemmas.  Hmmmm... save Humanity with the redemptive love of Christ by dying the most gruesome death imaginable , or... go to White Castle for some Cheesy Fries and steamed Burgers!  Tough call... tough call...  (some might argue that White Castle IS the most gruesome way to die, and this is an academic argument only)... but you know what I mean.  Back to my point, this is NOT something that I think a coin flip is going to answer...  

But I know that finding the answer is going to be part of the journey to our 2nd adoption...
... and I for one am looking forward to finding out the answer myself.

* == It's only an "issue" to me.  It is NOT an issue to the girl waiting to be adopted.  It is NOT an issue to the wife.  It is NOT an issue to God.  It really is just an issue with me right now.  Right or wrong?  I don't know.  It comes down to "Can I give her the best life possible".  But then you go, "best compared to what?" ... and then it *should* be a NON-ISSUE, because a life with a family *should* be better than a life without a family.  So why is this an issue to me again?  Gah.

19 comments:

  1. tap tap tap tappity tap tapp


    So happy to see the announcement! I know that when you know you will never look back! And as for wheelchairs and many flights of stairs? Well, again, this is why Steve is NOT allowed to read your blog. Not ever! We have 3 sets of stairs too plus a set leading into both the front and back doors of our house. Samuel will be on a scooter board on each floor for a time and after that - well, we'll let God settle out what will need to be done at that time. But only 'cause He can and well, He will.

    Out of birth order? Yep it's tough, but not forever. And if it is *your* child, it won't matter whether it's out of birth order or not, KWIM?

    I've been praying and will keep on until you have your answer.

    Shelley

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  2. Praying for you as your exciting life journey continues. May God be with you guiding your decisions and holding you close each step of the way.

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  3. Are you talking about the child I think you're talking about? Little girl with the most stunning smile you can imagine? Abandoned at 6 yrs old? I'm very excited for your family!!!
    Veronika

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  4. Yea, its Amy who Shirlee brought to *everyones* attention. Her posting is here: http://shirlee-mccoy.blogspot.com/2010/09/wordful-wednesday-just-little-bit-of.html

    And it is HEART breaking for sure. She sounds like this wonderful child! It's her smile 1/2 way down the page which just steals your heart every time you look at her!

    I do pray someone provides her the perfect family - I know Gods got one out there for her someone - even if it isn't ours.

    We will wait and see what God has in store. We are no where NEAR ready in our paper work to get anything done... for any child. I think realistically we are still a solid many months away before we can get our hopes up for any child.

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  5. What a wonderful post! You have really captured the many conversations my husband and I have had starting our second adoption.

    You being up many important points. Just keep thinking, reflecting and most importantly - continue talking with one another.

    Congratulations on your beginning your next adoption! We can't wait to hear who will be joining your family.

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  6. Can't wait to follow along!
    nancy

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  7. Hand-meets-forehead (** slap **)

    Duh! I didn't even see you linked to Shirley's page. You can tell your wonderful wife and bringer of all things joy in your life that I am equally smitten with this child. She doesn't have Cerebral Palsy though. I'm praying that God will lead your family to the right decision. :)

    Veronika

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  8. Hip Hip hooray!!!!! There have been a few of your blog titles in the past that made me think you were going to make THIS announcement. I tell you, when I read the title to this post I said to myself, "if Roberta's crazy DH isn't announcing that they are adopting again, I'm making a trip to Canada!"

    Nothing like wierd-o posts from a crazy stranger down in the States to make your day complete.

    I'm so happy and so excited for you!

    The whole adopting out of birth order thing-- you know, what about when you adopt a younger child (in birht order) that your current youngest is displaced as the baby in the family? What about that? Nobody ever mentions that.

    The whole concern about your house being suitable for the little girl's needs-- you sound pretty handy and that you like to do remodeling and junk.

    ;-D

    I'm sooo excited!!!!!

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  9. Congratulations!!!!
    It will all work out.
    How exciting for your family!!!

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  10. LOVE it! Tell Roberta I intend to call soon to get the scoop directly from her! I'm hoping your answers come swiftly...
    Tracy

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  11. Cats finally out of the official bag!! Horray for you guys!! Are you going to flip the coin to see who gets to travel????

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  12. So happy to hear your great news! Praying for clarity for you all!

    Kim in BC

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  13. Hi, I found you blog through your wife on the Zhongshan CWI group. We have just recently found a little girl we are adopting from Zhongshan! I have enjoyed reading your blog and have been thoroughly entertained! I look forward to following and congratulations on your decision to go again!

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  14. Thanks for all the feedback, we are obviously pretty excited. :-)

    Annie; enjoy your stay here, hopefully you find some of it helpful. :-)

    Reena; no worries... I've had crazier people try to give me a good "talking to" before. :-)

    Tricia; coin flip would not surprise me. :-)

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  15. (Rob pretending to be surprised) Woo hoo!!!!
    (Pretense now complete)
    Congrats on the excellent decision!!!
    I am so happy for you.

    I have to admit that adopting out of birth order (which we would pretty much need to do if we were to start the process again) raises some questions for us. What impact will that have on Clarissa? Going from being an only child who just got used to (or is still getting used to) being an only child, new parents, a new world, a new language, new everything....and then just as a sense of normal sets in we throw in an older sister or brother. I am not sure what I think. Definitely something that we want to learn more about. Hmmmm I think that I may have to post more of my thoughts about this. Regardless, one thing that I know for sure....God will bring us where we are meant to be.

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  16. We are praying for you and your paperchase, and God's match for your family. I totally understand the difficulty of weighing the practical with the knowledge that God Can! However, since my husband read this post and followed your link to Shirlee's site, he has been looking for Ramblers (single story houses) in our area.

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  17. Hi there,

    Congratulations!!
    How exciting :)

    Dawn,Chris,Zoe & Ty

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  18. Yay!! I am soooo excited for you guys!! So sorry to be late in congratulating... where have I been?
    But what BLESSED news!!!
    Can't wait to see who He has for your family!!!

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