Me: Hello, Adrian speaking.
Wife: You have to come home.
Me: Oh... what happened?
Wife: I almost DIED!
Me: You did? What happened?
Wife: I mowed the grass.
Me: Ahhhh, I see. Wait, how did mowing the grass almost kill you?
Wife: Weeeeeeell, you know the swing set? I put one of the swings up out of the way, and the other one... not so much.
Me: I don't see how a swing almost killed you while you were mowing the grass.
Wife: Weeeeeeeell, you see, I drove into it.
Me: Uh-huh. You mean you crashed into the swing set?
Wife: Weeeeeeeell, no. I drove into the swing.
Me: I'm sorry, I mustn't have had enough coffee. How do you drive a 56" deck, 500 pound lawn tractor... INTO a swing?
Wife: I was too lazy to stop the tractor, and move the swing out of the way. So when I drove though, the swing got caught on the edge of the tractor and flipped it over!
Me: You... rolled the tractor?
Me: And you wonder why I don't like it when you drive...
Wife: I almost died!
Me: Did it land on top of you?
Wife: Yes! It almost pinned me! And the blades were coming at me! I had to kick the lawn tractor away from me... otherwise... I would be DEAD!
Me: Are you hurt?
Wife: I'm sore from falling off the tractor.
Me: Okay, well, I'm on my way home.
Wife: Okay. Oh, and make some supper when you get home... because I almost DIED!
Wife: And bring me some Sticky Toffee cake!
Me: You want stick toffee cake?
Wife: I ALMOST DIED!
Me: Alright, I'll get you some cake.
Wife: And a back rub.
Me: You need a back rub?!
Wife: I ALMOST DIED!!!!
Me: Sure. I'll give you a back rub.
Wife: Good. Cuz I almost died you know.
Me: Better luck next time tractor... better luck next time...
Wife: What was that?!
Me: Uh? Wha? Nothing. Hmmmm... I gotta go.
So, I know you might be wondering, how my wife almost killing herself relates to us adopting.
Quite a lot actually. See, we already had 3 biological children... and my wife almost killing herself?... well... not that uncommon for her. The neighbors who helped right the lawn tractor were shocked at what happened... for me, the feeling was more like 'It took her THIS long to crash the tractor?'
In her life she has:
- Electrocuted herself
- Wandered off in the woods alone and got lost
- Got stuck in Quicksand
- Driven off of highway overpasses
- Almost killed herself with a lawn mower
- Married me
- and the list goes on...
I figured, we SHOULD NOT bring another person into this world who was built from the same DNA as my beautiful wife.
That adopting a child, might actually provide me with at least 1 offspring who would/could/have a chance at being normal. :-)
Goodness knows, the are not going to get the "normal" from either my Wife or I. :-)