Thursday, August 26, 2010

Adoption & Lawn Tractors

*ring* *ring* *ring*
Me:  Hello, Adrian speaking.
Wife:  You have to come home.
Me:  Oh... what happened?
Wife:  I almost DIED!
Me:  You did?  What happened?
Wife:  I mowed the grass.
Me:  Ahhhh, I see.  Wait, how did mowing the grass almost kill you?

Wife:  Weeeeeeell, you know the swing set?  I put one of the swings up out of the way, and the other one... not so much.
Me:  I don't see how a swing almost killed you while you were mowing the grass.
Wife:  Weeeeeeeell, you see, I drove into it.
Me:  Uh-huh.  You mean you crashed into the swing set?
Wife:  Weeeeeeeell, no.  I drove into the swing.
Me:  I'm sorry, I mustn't have had enough coffee.  How do you drive a 56" deck, 500 pound lawn tractor... INTO a swing?
Wife:  I was too lazy to stop the tractor, and move the swing out of the way.  So when I drove though, the swing got caught on the edge of the tractor and flipped it over!
Me:  You... rolled the tractor?
Wife:  Yes!
Me:  And you wonder why I don't like it when you drive...
Wife:  I almost died!
Me:  Did it land on top of you?
Wife:  Yes!  It almost pinned me!  And the blades were coming at me!  I had to kick the lawn tractor away from me... otherwise... I would be DEAD!
Me:  Are you hurt?
Wife:  I'm sore from falling off the tractor.
Me:  Okay, well, I'm on my way home.
Wife:  Okay.  Oh, and make some supper when you get home... because I almost DIED!
Me:  Sure.
Wife:  And bring me some Sticky Toffee cake!
Me:  You want stick toffee cake?
Me:  Alright, I'll get you some cake.
Wife:  And a back rub.
Me:  You need a back rub?!
Wife:  I ALMOST DIED!!!!
Me:  Sure.  I'll give you a back rub.
Wife:  Good.  Cuz I almost died you know.
Me:  Better luck next time tractor... better luck next time...
Wife:  What was that?!
Me: Uh?  Wha?  Nothing.  Hmmmm... I gotta go.

So, I know you might be wondering, how my wife almost killing herself relates to us adopting.
Quite a lot actually.  See, we already had 3 biological children... and my wife almost killing herself?... well... not that uncommon for her.  The neighbors who helped right the lawn tractor were shocked at what happened... for me, the feeling was more like 'It took her THIS long to crash the tractor?'

In her life she has:
  • Electrocuted herself
  • Wandered off in the woods alone and got lost
  • Got stuck in Quicksand
  • Driven off of highway overpasses
  • Almost killed herself with a lawn mower
  • Married me
  • and the list goes on...
I think there is a distinct pattern of poor judgement there.

I figured, we SHOULD NOT bring another person into this world who was built from the same DNA as my beautiful wife.

That adopting a child,  might actually provide me with at least 1 offspring who would/could/have a chance at being normal.  :-) 

Goodness knows, the are not going to get the "normal" from either my Wife or I.  :-)


  1. Okay, I just about DIED laughing. ;) Just don't make me fess up to my own list of calamities.

  2. This is so me. If there is way for me to injure myself, I somehow find it. Broken ribs, third degree burns, car accidents, sprains and concussions - I've managed to do it all. I think your wife and I would very much get along.

  3. We are seriously cracking up at the Raudenbush house over this one. We have been waiting on the edge of our seats for this post after your wife announced the near death experience on the forum.

  4. Roberta...STAY AWAY FROM THE SWINGS! too funny...and how was the cake?


  5. Phew! My name wasn't mentioned!

  6. OK... this lawn mower story is just about the funniest thing... EVER! I mean, really those lawn mowers should have a safety warning! Dangerous stuff!
    Just found your blog, coincidentally through backtracking and seeing a link to mine here. I'm excited that I found it and to follow along! Can I ask what (WAGI) stands for? Hopefully not "Wigged-out Adoption Goof and Idealist." Hmmmmmm...
    Nancy - of ordinary miracles & the crazy 8 (or OM&TC8)

  7. Oddly enough, my wife almost killing herself (She almost DIED you know!), has generated a fair bit of interest. :-)

    Nancy: I would have to take a guess that my wife was visiting your site from ours... she reads alot... A LOT of blogs. :-) Glad you found ours tho. WAGI *I THINK* stands for "We Are Grafted In". Its a community forum site (kinda like Rumor Queen)... I could be wrong on WAGI, my wife probably knows for sure tho.

  8. Not that anyone really needs to know... but 170$ later, and the mower is working again. A little rougher for wear and tear, dented hood, shaking deck, stalls when you floor it... but working. *siiigh* Love you babe!