Monday, May 10, 2010

Why do we try...

... to explain everything.

There just seems to be something about our human nature that wants to explain everything, or rationalize it, categorize it, label it, stick it in a box, ship it off to Sibera. Or maybe it is just a guy thing. I'm not sure.

But everything has to have a reason.

And every reason should be a good thing.

If something bad happens, we sit there and try with all our might to make it make sense.
To come up with a reason why bad things happen.
We sit there when someone has lost a loved one, and we say "it will make them stronger"
We sit there when someone is struggling in a marriage, and we say "it will be OK in the end, as long as so-and-so is happy"
We sit there when someone is sick, when someone is hurting, lonely, scared, abandoned and try to fit this horrible situation in a box and label that box as "good" in some crazy way.

But it isn't.

There is only one person who can make all things work together for good... and it probably ain't you, and I know well and certain that it ain't me.

So why then? Why do we spend all our time and efforts trying to explain these bad things away... or make sense of them?

When something good happens, do we feel this need to stick it in a box and label it as "bad"? No. Of course not! We would call that crazy. Its obviously good, why would we call it bad?!

Are we so weak and fearful that any admittance that something "bad" has happened will paralyze us with fear and stop our growth as a person?

Heck, bad things happen. It sucks. It REALLY sucks sometimes.

But isn't it just as damaging to trivialize the bad things that happen in life?
To assume that we can look at a situation like "abandonment" and assume to fix it, or explain it, or at least come up with a reason for it? Just breath deep. Come to terms with the fact that we/you/I do NOT* know everything... and that is OK. In fact, that can be wonderful. I like being able to give up trying to know everything and just rest in the arms of someone who dose know.

It is very idealistic, and far too simplistic, for someone to say "oh, your daughter was abandoned so that you could be together!".

Oh heck no! Or at least, today, I'm in the "heck no" frame of mind. I do not think it was every in anyone's "good plan" to have any child abandoned. Now, what happens - happens. Because that happened, yes, we got to adopt our daughter. That is true. But us being together should not be THE reason she was abandoned.

I will (hopefully) never be so arrogant as to assume that my daughter HAD to be abandoned, or SHOULD have been abandoned, or its a "good thing" that she was adopted, JUST so we could be together.

Could you imagine hearing that as a teenager? Your young parents are tragically killed in a car crash, and some stranger comes in, and takes you home saying "Isn't it wonderful that I'm able to take you home!". I'm sure as a teenager your answer would be "HECK NO! My parents were just killed in a car crash! That SUCKS you moron!".


Sorry. I think I'm done now.

Anyone want to guess what someone asked me recently?

Anyway, I don't know everything. There are things my daughter is going to have to wrestle through in life, things which she may very well want an answer for. Things which I will not be able to answer.
Things which I pray I have the wisdom not to trivialize, categorize, summarize, or even over analyze - but simply be willing to walk along side her, hold her close, lift her head, protect her dreams, and gently love her hurting heart. I hope when that time comes, she will be OK with not knowing the answers to everything as well. I figure, I hope, I pray... that so long as she knows the answer to WHO loves her, and WHY she is loved, the other questions won't seem so important...
... and then, maybe, with the grace of God, she will stop looking for the answers to those questions, and learn to rest in the one who really loves her.

* == except my wife, who apparently really DOSE know everything.