Monday, April 19, 2010

I don't love you today, maybe tomorrow...

Me: What did Daddy say?
Ping: Ping no throw books.
Me: Right, and what did Ping do?
Ping: Yes throw book.
Me: Did Ping listen to Daddy?
Ping: No.
Me: Is Daddy happy or sad that you did not listen.
Ping: Daddy no happy.
Me: So will Ping listen to Daddy?
Ping: Yes.
Me: Thank you. Daddy loves you Ping.
Ping: I no love Daddy.
Me: That is OK. But I still love you.
Ping: I no love Daddy.
Me: That is OK. But Daddy still loves Ping.
Ping: I no say I love Daddy today.
Me: Maybe tomorrow?
Ping: Yes. Ping love Daddy tomorrow.
Me: That's great. I still love you today though, and tomorrow.
Ping: No today. Tomorrow I love Daddy.
Me: OK, good night baby, I love you.

I would have to say, that once the initial "punched in the gut" feeling wore off, this made me SO VERY HAPPY! I was thrilled that my daughter said she "no love" me (more on that at the end of the post)...

Ah the joys of parenthood! It is not for the faint, or the weak, or those who get queasy at the sight of blood. Thats for sure. Having your child tell you they don't love you is one thing, thinking they believe it is something else.
If Ping was angry, or yelling, or if we just had a big fight, I would have been much more fine wither her saying she "no love" me, because I would understand that it was an emotional response, and she was angry. However, this was not that case. Yes, I told her not to throw books, but it was actually kind of funny, not a "scolding", and she never got into any "trouble". So when she said she didn't love me, it was much more "matter of fact".

You know, like a "Hey, just in case you were wondering, no, I don't love you." To which I would be "Any particular reason?", and she would answer "Nope, no reason. I just don't love you". Ah well, I see then... carry on then.

But this was the "1 step back" for the week, and the flip side has been the "2 steps forward".

Just this morning, Ping chased me down as I was getting breakfast ready, and asked to be picked up. Once she was safely in my arms, she snuggled her head into my neck, and said she wanted a "hug", then she held on so tight, and I'm pretty sure she was just about crying.

There are definite moments of vulnerability now which were never there before, and we are so proud of how well she is doing. Ping is truly amazing.

But my final though on this whole "I no love you Daddy" is this:
She gets it.
She finally gets it.
Or at least is GETTING it.
It being "love".
If she did not GET Love, she would not think to deny me love.
She must be understanding that Love is this wonderful thing, and that it is very important, and feels great to be loved, safe, and accepted.
She would not try to deny me something "bad".
I mean, after she threw the book and was angry, its not like she said "Ping no give Daddy dirty diapers!".
She knew that denying Love would be "painful" which means, she gets the importance of love.

So I am thrilled that she thought to deny me love...
I can only hope, everyone gets that chance to have their children tell them that they don't love them. :-)


  1. You are so very very right. It took Princess Peanut a little over 12 months of being with me to tell me that she loved me, and there are days that she tells me "I don't love you" but mostly those are done in anger now. For us, our looooooooooooong road to attachment and bonding has taken 2.5 years so far. I see the end now, but these last little bit is being taken exponentially slower than the beginning steps.