Main Entry: vul·ner·a·ble
Pronunciation: \ˈvəl-n(ə-)rə-bəl, ˈvəl-nər-bəl\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin vulnerabilis, from Latin vulnerare to wound, from vulner-, vulnus wound; probably akin to Latin vellere to pluck, Greek oulē wound
Date: 1605
1 : capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : assailable
3 : liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge
As I sat at home thinking about how much to share and how open to be during this whole blogging experiment, it hit me just how vulnerable it can make one feel.
As a father and husband, there is a certain level of protection that I always wish to keep around my family. The children are reduced to Kid #1/2/3 in the blog. My lovely wife is simply, Wife.
Why is that? Am I really that afraid of posting their names? As if some how that is opening them (or myself) up to a vulnerable position?
And yes. It does feel that way.
So as I sit there, in my little stew of contemplation, lamenting this feeling of vulnerability that I am trying to over-come, my thoughts return (as they often do) to our new daughter who is waiting in an orphanage in China right now.
What vulnerabilities has she faced over the last 3.5 years?
Has she ever felt safe?
I worry if someone is going to pick up on the names of my children...
... she worries she may never have a parent?
Perspective.
And it breaks our hearts as parents!
When my children go though a rough time at school, if someone is mean to them, hurts them, or makes them feel scared (vulnerable?) - doesn't that just fill you with so much "want" to fix the situation? To just rush to their defense and "save" them?
Sometimes you can...
... sometimes you can not.
Today, I can not. And I'm not sure that I'm OK with that.
As Ping sleeps now, what will tomorrow hold for her?
I'm sure that whatever it is, it is bigger than if anyone reading this finds out what my children names are.
I am really enjoying your blog...and I only follow a few faithfully.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure you can ever be "okay with that". There is something almost fierce in wanting to protect our adopted children, as we know they have obstacles that our born simply do not face.
I took our babes to "Ice Age 3" tonight. Her first movie out...and her question...why did the eggs have 2 mothers, and why did the first one take them back? You could see the wheels turning in her head, and the wonder, and worry in her at the same time. A whole different set of questions about birth, and love, than our born children have.
Essie
So true (re: 2 mommies)! It is amazing how we can be in a totally different head space than our children.
ReplyDeleteI guess thats the job of being a parent. finding out where our children are, and then meeting them at that level... whether adopted, or biological.
What did you say to her about the 2 mommies (no pressure to answer if its too personal tho)?
Loving your blog. Your wife left a couple comments on mine. Your daughter and mine share a name. She asked how we picked it, so here's the story... When I was a teen I read a book in which the lead character was named *. Many years later, looking through a baby name book I came across this name again (never forgot it, loved the name) and it said it was a derivatave of the name Germaine (my husband's grandmother's name, very loved). I just knew the minute I saw it, that that was going to be our daughter's name. Funny though that I have never again seen that name in any other baby name book/database linked with the name Germaine. Maybe it was a mistake but we love the name anyhow, and in our hearts she is named after her great grandmother. :O)
ReplyDeleteSo cool! Yea, not a common name at all. My wife was commenting this morning how similar some of our experiences have been. Trying to learn Mandarin, to find out our new children speak Cantonese... :-) So much fun!
ReplyDeleteWell, welcome to our blog. Feel free to stay as long as you like and comment often.
When I get home, I'll try to check out your blog as well (if I can get the link from my wife).