Friday, July 24, 2009

People like Matt

Recently I went out with a good buddy of mine, lets call him Matt for the purposes of this blog, and well, because that's his name.
Matt and I get together often over nachos, ribs, chicken wings, and the occasional Milk Shake.
Yes, the manly milkshake... where all male bonding takes place.

Anyway, during our guys night out, we spent a large portion of time (okay, maybe the whole time) talking about adopting.

He was asking questions, and as a guy, asking questions with little fear of offending me, or sounding silly. And I loved it!

It just once again pointed out how little I talk (freely) about adoption - even though I want to talk about it. So often if feels like I have to filter what I say to family, or to those who do not have children, or even to those who do have children...

It is like when people are pregnant, it is all they think about, and want to talk about. And that's great.

Maybe it is because when people are pregnant, every one is 'happy' for them. But when we signed up for adoption, we got a lot of comments like 'oh you should not adopt a baby from china!', or 'this is going to mess up your family'... etc...

So if you are a friend, or family of someone who is adopting, don't be scared to talk about it.

Because we WANT to talk about it.
We really do.
Our adoption process consumes our thoughts and time, but more importantly, the dream of a child is always on the fore front of our minds.
And when we do find out who our new son/daughter will be, then we want to talk about it even more!

(just please don't criticize us)

So ask away!
Talk to us!
Talk to us about our daughter!
Even if we have told you everything about her/him, ask us anyway.
Let us tell you (again) about the process, our thoughts, fears, dreams, hopes and what ever else is burning in our minds.

Because we want to talk about it.

And thank God that he put Matt in my life - someone I can talk to freely, without fear, and know and trust that he will be happy for me, what ever issues arise in the journey.

Hopefully, there is a Matt in your life as well, someone who you can talk to.

Maybe as adoptive parents we don't talk about it more, because we don't want to 'always be pushing' adoption, or seem oblivious to anything around us except our adoption...

... but then again, maybe this is just an Adrian thing, and 'normal' people do talk about it more freely.

... but if it is socially acceptable for new (biological) parents to be ga-ga over their unborn child, or new child... then why shouldn't we be just as crazy and obnoxious about our new children as well.

So, I am Adrian... and I am adopting. Who wants to talk about it? :-)

(oh, and if you don't have a Matt, you can rent mine... 45$ a session... that's about the cost of some wings and ribs... and a milkshake for 2)


  1. a milkshake for 2? is that like one big milkshake with 2 straws? I always figured if you were going to sit cheek to cheek with someone drinking a milkshake, it would have been Roberta...

  2. Adrian,
    I have a lots of questions I was hestiated to ask before. Let me give it a little try now.
    You already have three lovely kids. What make you want to adopt another one. Why don't you have your own another one instead? Why do you want to adopt from China? I know you were looking for children in waiting list. Mostly adoption families don't do that. It really moves me. I can't image people without true love can do that. What did you think at the beginning?

  3. Tanya: 2 Milkshakes... neither of us wanted a full one, but we were not going to 'share' one. :-)

    Henry: I'm going to post about this, since it is kind of a big(er) question. :-)