One of the things I really appreciate are comforting words from those around us.
- Oh, she will get here when she gets here!
- Don't worry about your documentation being lost... again... it is all in Gods hands!
- Shes a lucky one to be adopted by you!
- Her life is going to be so much better now!
See, while those may all be good and true, it is very much akin to telling your 43 year old single aunt who desperately WANTS to get married:
- Its fun to be single!
- There are plenty of fish in the sea!
- Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
- Boy you are lucky not to have to be tied down!
See, the problem is, again, that nothing above is terribly 'wrong'. It is just so very... misguided.
There are so many things here, so I'm not quite sure where to start. Probably should have thought this through before I started posting... but here we go anyway. :-)
We are not adopting Ping for the purpose of giving her a 'better life' than the one she could have in China. We are giving her the opportunity for a life with us. Now we hope and pray that this life with us will be wonderful and all that she ever wanted... but how ignorant and arrogant of us to think that her life will be better just because she will be with us.
If one were to argue that her life will be better because she may have better food, better schooling, better things... then I think we are missing the true definition of what makes life 'better'. Goodness knows that there are many rich people who can have all the food, schooling and stuff they can ever desire, yet be miserable and have not a 'good life'.
And on the flip side of this same logic, is even an uglier thought... if someone wanted to adopt Ping who had a bigger house than us, more money, better school district, etc, would they have been able to provide Ping with a better life than even we can? And if so, then why should we even be allowed to adopt her?
And issuing statements like 'it will happen in Gods time' is true - in that God controls all... but at the same time, and absolutely useless statement. The Israelites wandered in the desert needlessly for 40 some odd years (a walk which should have taken 1.5 years or so). So how is that comforting?! :-) Well, fine, I guess it is comforting in that God kept them alive for those 40 years, provided fire at night, shade during the day, water from rocks... but that is not my point. :-)
More to the point, I know Gods plan is perfect, but that doesn't mean that pat answers and cliches bring any comfort.
Adopted children will be loosing everything that they have ever known.
Ever held in their hands.
Every face they have ever looked upon.
Every voice they have ever heard.
How silly of us to think that that will not matter or affect her, and that she should just be 'happy' that she is coming home with us.
When people say 'comforting/encouraging' words like the ones listed above, more often than not, it really just saddens me.
It makes me realize that, yes, I believe we will be bringing so much more to her life than what she is loosing, but ... do I/we really understand what she will be going through?
How can I comfort our daughter, when words seem to hollow?
When she will look at me and ask "do you know what I'm going though?"
All I will be able to do is pray,
and to hold her close,
and as tightly as I can,
and to whisper in her ear for the ten thousandth time today,
that I love her more than she can ever imagine...
... and hope that she understands.